Everything about life is energy. What you give is what you will receive. Although sometimes you may feel lonely, envious over other people’s relationships, or confused as to why you haven’t found your person yet, being single is one of the best times of your life that you have to find joy, contentment, and gratitude. It’s the only period of your life where you are completely free—you can make your own decisions and do whatever you want to do without anyone holding you back. You can change your job, travel thousands of miles away, start that business, write a book, move cities, stay out when you want to, and everything in between. You have the ability to design and curate your life in a way that feels authentic to you, each and every day.
Often when you’re in a period of being single, or even if you’ve been single your entire life, your main desire is to just find the “right” person. It’s all you can think about and it clouds your mind, overpowering every other part of your life.
But finding the right partner is not that simple. In order to find the person that’s meant for you, you first need to know who you are and what “right” even means to you. You first need to shed layers that no longer align and rebuild new ones that are in accordance with your higher self. You first need to understand your boundaries and set your expectations. You fist need be able to define what love means to you and walk away from anything that is less than.
But it’s during those periods of being single when you have the freedom, time, and energy to figure those things out and become your highest self, ultimately preparing you for your soon-to-be soulmate.
People always say, “You’ll meet your person when you aren’t even looking,” or that “It’ll happen when you least expect it.” Although you roll your eyes anytime someone says these phrases to you, you know that deep down it is true. And the reason is quite simple—it is only when you are 100 percent happy with your independence that you exude radiant, open energy and are able to create space for someone to walk in. You’re too busy living your best life that the thought of a partner isn’t at the forefront. You have faith you’ll meet them eventually, but until then, you’re doing you. And when they arrive, they won’t complete you because you’re already whole. Instead, they will complement your already incredible life.
Here are 10 things to master while being single that will allow you to be your higher self and prepare you for meeting the love of your life.
1. Becoming your own best friend.
When you think about your closest friends, what is it about them that you love the most? It probably lands somewhere between the following: they’re authentic with you, they make you laugh, they make you feel safe, they support you, they’re there for you, they light you up, and you always believe that no matter where you are or what you’re doing, you’re going to have fun with them. So, why can’t we use that same perspective onto ourselves?
We need to treat ourselves like we’re our own best friends, independently and in solitude. Being your own best friend means letting your authentic colors shine unapologetically when you’re alone. Being your own best friend means laughing at yourself when something goes wrong, and celebrating yourself when things go right. Being your own best friend is taking yourself out on solo dates and enjoying your own company at the fullest. Because when you spend time alone fully loving yourself, you’re setting the tone for what you hope to experience with a future partner.
2. Creating a fulfilling weekly routine.
Have a routine. Carve out certain days for family, certain moments for friends, days for running errands, and many moments for bettering your mind and body. Having a consistent and effective weekly structure (whether that relates to your social life, hobbies, movement, or sleep) is what allows you to continuously operate from a calm, grounded, and peaceful place.
You’re busy but your busyness is a combination of play, health, productivity, and social interaction—which is the ultimate combination for the utmost abundance and fulfillment. Having structure reduces stress, anxiety and fear of the future, ultimately forcing you to be present, take each moment as it as, and feel excitement for what comes next.
By having a life that is already fulfilling where you’re busy yet blissful, the right person for you who comes in will complement your already incredible life, making it even better. But until then, you’re able to live an abundance lifestyle.
3. Developing your friend and family relationships.
When you’re single, what you’re often craving is the feeling of being loved and giving love. But the beauty of our human experience is that love is all around us; we just don’t realize or appreciate it. But the more we give, the more we receive.
When you’re single, you have more time available to spend with the people that already exist around you. Invest in those relationships and make sure they’re healthy, strong, and fueling you. Call your parents more. Grab coffee with an old friend. Make beautiful memories with the people that feel like home. Plan an after work activity with a colleague. Book that trip with your closest friends to that spot on your bucket list. Text your friends when something reminds you of them. Send that person a song if you think they’ll like it. Visit your grandparents, even if it’s just an hour (FaceTime works, too).
Do all these things while you still can. Once you develop the relationships with the people around you, you’ll begin to witness how much love already orbits your world. As such, whoever comes in will just be an additional source that touches you in a different way.
4. Building your independent life and discovering what success means to you.
Your single years are your selfish years. You have the rare opportunity to truly become who you’ve always envisioned since you were a kid, with no one else holding you back. Have that dream since you were young? Go out and bring it to life. Want to take that solo trip? Embark on that adventure. Aspire to live in a different city? Make that move. In the mood to go on a yoga retreat with complete strangers? Sign up for it. You have no one else to consider or compromise for aside for yourself—so develop the life you imagine for yourself. Because once you feel happy, fulfilled, satisfied and successful, your energy will radiate and you’ll attract more of what (or who) is meant for you.
5. Spending time getting to know yourself.
What makes you, you? What are things you enjoy? What lights you up? What brings you down? What inspires you? What lowers your energy? The more you know yourself, the more you have the opportunity to heal certain wounds and grow into a higher version of yourself. Having this level of awareness allows you to set boundaries, expectations, and standards, gaining a new level of self-respect and self-love. Whether that’s journaling, reflecting, or meditating, carve out time each day to go inwards and discover who you are as a human being. It is only when you have certainty over yourself that you get clarity about the type of person that will fulfill your needs and wants, and the universe will place you in the right environments and experiences to bring you two together.
6. Learning to love yourself wholly.
We all have parts of ourselves that we want to change. Whether it’s our outward appearance, our weird quirks, or our unhealed wounds, we all should strive to deepen our relationships with ourselves. This practice should be rooted in utter acceptance, confidence, and love.
The most important relationship you’ll ever have in life is the one you have with yourself, and so you must choose, every single day, to love yourself harder. Whether that’s reading positive self-love affirmations or being aware of your toxic thoughts and changing them, shifting the perception you have of yourself shifts the way others react and respond to you. When you can look at yourself in the mirror or hear yourself speak and accept all of it, you create space for someone to look at you in the same light. And when you love yourself fully and your worthiness for real, authentic love increases and your faith will be restored that your person is somewhere out there.
7. Being rooted in abundance and gratitude.
We tend to think more about the things we don’t have (such as a partner) than feel gratitude for all the blessings that already exist in our lives.
Gratitude is the biggest emotion because it means that you already believe you have everything you need to live a happy, fulfilling life. When you spend time counting your blessings, it’s as though you realize that your existence is already abundant. You don’t need anything else or anyone else to be happy because you already have everything you need and want.
Every day, write a gratitude list. Write three things that you’re grateful for. Whether it’s the big stuff such as your job, family or friends, or the little things such as your morning coffee, the natural sunlight in your apartment, or that email response you’ve been waiting for. Writing these things down forces you to pay attention to all of the good in life that you may otherwise take for granted. And when you’re more aware of the everyday sources of joy, the emotional tone of your life shifts. You become content with your current stage in life while also opening your heart to meeting the right person.
8. Removing anyone or anything that hinders your peace.
In order to create space for what or who is meant for us, we must detach from anything that is no longer serving us or holding us back. Don’t give access to people who aren’t deserving of it. Cut ties with anyone from your past who has, or continues, to disrespect you. Walk away from that job that is making you unhappy. Unfollow that person whose content leaves you feeling down. Clear your energy field—both emotionally, mentally, and physically—and start fresh.
When you remove what isn’t in alignment with you, you naturally create space for what is. You’ll feel freedom and you’ll emotionally feel lighter, which leads to you feeling open for people and things that will fuel you versus deplete you.
9. Making your list.
What type of person do you envision yourself being with forever? Write it down. Describe them through all aspects, and be detailed.
What is their personality like? What character traits do they have? What are their values? What is their lifestyle like? How do they make you feel? How would they treat you? What physical traits do they have?
Writing this list allows you to get super clear on what type of person is actually right for YOU. It gives you clarity on who you’re looking for or what type of relationship is truly going to serve you. Be honest with yourself, though—what are your ideal “wants” and what are your actual “needs”?
So moving forward, when you meet new people or go on dates, you’ll know right away if this person is going to give you what your heart desires.
10. Enjoying the present moment.
You will spend the rest of your life with your soulmate once you’re acquainted with them, but you’ll only be single for this short period of time. Don’t wish for the future and miss the present moment because the present is all you ever have.
Even if the current moment in time feels depleting, or you can’t picture yourself living in the reality you imagine, trust that one day, when the time is right, someone magical will walk into your life with effortlessness and ease. The timing will be right and you’ll look back on this period of your life and feel grateful for all of the growth you endured. But until then, be here, choose to feel joy, decide that this moment is the only one that matters. Make great memories, laugh harder, take risks and love deeply.