Samson Katt

10 Red Flags That Prove He’s Leading You On, According To Women

Sometimes, it can be difficult to discern whether or not someone is truly into you. However, there are some definitive signs that the person you’re seeing is only leading you on (and will never commit to you).

Here are 10 women on how to know someone is leading you on.

When you’re the only one reaching out.

If you constantly have to reach out to them. If they are vague or won’t address/admit to feelings. A lot of “maybe in the future” statements. If you feel confused about how they feel about you or you are never sure where you are at with them. If you feel afraid of addressing the issue or confronting them because you might set them off or it might scare them away. Feeling insecure in the relationship is a huge sign.

Sometimes the best thing is to pull back and see what they will do. If you don’t constantly extend yourself, will they reach out? Will they plan dates? You can learn a lot about someone when you let go and stop trying to force things.

Secondly, set boundaries. This can be really hard. If they say they don’t want a relationship ‘yet’ or give you those maybe in the future statements, say ‘Okay, let me know when you are ready we can talk again!’ It is hard to do that but you need to. Don’t give in and continue being led on. Be very upfront about what your expectations are and what you want.


When they switch up their behavior constantly.

Periods of heavy involvement followed by near-ghosting. I was with a guy that was clearly only in it for the sex and this is exactly what he did. We would talk non-stop for a week or two, hang out as friends, and then he’d fall off the face of the earth for days at a time. Once he realized I would put up with it, things started to get heated. It got to the point where I was desperate just to hear from him on those near-ghosting weeks. Then when he would message me, we would hang out, talk, and have sex then the cycle would continue. The biggest thing to look out for is them seeming to keep you ‘at an arms-length.’

Another thing is them not wanting to go out on an actual romantic date. If you’ve been talking for a few weeks and hanging out at each other’s places, plan a dinner date at a nice restaurant. If he makes up excuses or rain checks without an actual good reason, you know he’s leading you on.


When their actions and words contradict.

Actions don’t match words. I’ve learned my lesson. People will tell you anything to keep you around for their benefit. Their actions tell the true story. I dump them once it is clear their intentions don’t match mine.


When something feels “off.”

Trusting my gut. When in doubt I ask what his intentions are, usually I can tell by his answer. When I was younger and a little insecure I chose to look the other way for the attention. Now I say my goodbyes and move on.


When they refuse to define what you are to them.

They don’t clearly define what you are to them and refuse to do so when asked for clarification.

I dated this guy for a few months; it got to the point where the ‘where is this going’ conversation needed to happen for me because I wasn’t going to invest any more time in someone who wasn’t serious about a relationship. He would only give vague answers or completely stonewall me.

I know we live in an age where we don’t like labeling things, but ‘friends with benefits’ is a label. Define expectations early; don’t settle for opaque answers when you know what you want.


If you think they are stringing you along, they probably are.

If you think someone is stringing you along, they probably are. You deal with it by leaving that person.


If they fail to communicate consistently.

Lack of texts, communication. Not making solid plans to hangout and see you frequently.


If they alternate between being involved and avoiding you.

Love bombing, showering you with affection and compliments, then being distant, then hinting at possibilities then avoiding plans, but still sending funny posts or liking your photos, replying to stories etc to string you along and keep you invested. Best way to deal with it is to just block them from everything and move on.

As someone else has already mentioned- if they wanted to they would!


If you’re confused about whether or not they’re leading you on, they always are.

If you’re wondering, the answer is yes. Always yes. Ghosting time.


They always have some kind of excuse.

They always have an excuse. No matter what situation it is, if they don’t want to have anything with you, they’ll find an excuse to get out of it and act as if nothing happened. I go with my gut feeling, my instincts all the time. I don’t know about men but us women are excellent with this stuff and we can just see what’s coming our way even though we’re unsure about it in the beginning. Our instincts never lie. They’re more reliable than most guys out there.