Relationships that keep you stuck. Whether that’s stuck in the past, stuck in a cycle, or stuck in a rut, by the time you turn 30, you need to learn how to gracefully transition out of relationships that have run their course and are only holding you back.
Milestones that you didn’t mark for yourself. In other words, stop doing things you don’t really want to do, but are still pursuing solely out of societal expectations. If you don’t want a house, don’t buy a fucking house. If you don’t want kids, don’t have fucking kids. If you don’t want to get married, don’t get fucking married. This is your life and no one else’s, and you owe nobody else an explanation for how you lead your life because it doesn’t impact them whatsoever. And if they judge you? Let them.
Cheap tequila. (Honestly, this should have been retired by age 24-ish, but hey. We’re all doing our best!)
Cheap conversation. As Eleanor Roosevelt once said, “Great minds discuss ideas; average minds discuss events; small minds discuss people.”
Cheap goals. Aim higher. Go for the things you want. Pursue your dream life with reckless abandon.
The belief that self-care is selfish. Replace this belief with the fact that self-care is absolutely necessary. Take care of your mind, body, and spirit because these are the entities that will carry you through your life until the end. Invest in them because this is investing in yourself.
The notion that rest is a waste of time. Rest is not a waste of time, it is imperative. Make sure you’re carving out space for doing nothing, for sleep, and for yourself. Otherwise, you will burn out.
Shame. Release shame because shame will never serve you and is alwaystoxic. Learn from your mistakes, but don’t let them define you. Learn from your missteps but don’t keep retracing them. Learn from your hurt but don’t continue to let it haunt you.
Staying quiet when you’re hurt in order to “keep the peace” in your relationships. This only leads to resentment and hurts the relationship. Not so peaceful, eh?
Reading books you aren’t fully interested in and only are reading because you think you should (or because it will look impressive on Instagram). Reading is one of the great joys of life but you will never get to experience that joy fully if you’re forcing yourself to read books you aren’t interested in. Stop worrying about being well-read and just read. It will only expand your consciousness.
Never questioning your beliefs. This includes your beliefs’ roots, how your beliefs function, and whether or not your beliefs are truly serving you or aligned with what you actually believe.
Being surprised by repeat behavior. In other words, stop expecting people to be someone they have shown you they are not time and time again. And then, stop resenting them for not living up to the idea of who you think they should be and start appreciating them for who they are (or let them go).
Those going out clothes from your early 20s that you will never wear again but are keeping “just in case.” No. Just donate them. Trust me, you don’t need them.
The idea that life should be fair. It’s not and it sucks but it’s all we have.
Not living according to your values. Make a list of your values and determine whether or not you are living in a way that is aligned with them. If the answer is no? Reroute.
Not taking your health seriously. Stop avoiding the dentist, make your important appointments, take care of your body. You’re not getting any younger.
Forcing pretty much anything. If you need to force something, whether that’s a conversation, a relationship, a career, etc., trust that it isn’t right. Let it go.
Living for the weekend. Life is happening now, not only on Saturday nights. Don’t forget this.
Spending time with people who make you feel like shit. This includes, but is not limited to, anyone who makes you question your worth, anyone who makes you fight for their approval, or anyone who genuinely isn’t bringing a positive influence to your life. Your time is precious. Act like it.
Being flakey. If you make plans, follow through. If you say you’re going to do something, do it. If you promise you’re going to be there for someone, show up. Being reliable is always a trait to cultivate.
Not living within your means. Make your budget and stick to it. Life is stressful enough, and money doesn’t help that fact. While there are definitely financial situations out of your control, do your best to work with what you’ve got, pay down debt, and not make things even more chaotic by being irresponsible with your finances.
Refusing to take accountability for your mistakes. There is great power and love in admitting when you get it wrong. This is ultimately what leads to learning which then leads to growth which then makes you become the person you were always meant to be.
Saying “Yes” when you need to say “No.”
Saying “No” when you know deep down you need to say “Yes.”
Acting like being unbearably busy is a sign of virtue. Spreading yourself too thin is not the noble act you think it is. It just wears you down, makes you irritable, and prevents you from being fully present for yourself and others. Stop jam-packing your calendar.
Refusing to take healing seriously. We all have something to heal from. Make sure you begin to face your own hurt so you can start moving on from it and live your fullest life possible.
Putting off the difficult things just because they’re difficult. You can do hard things. Stop avoiding challenging conversations, personal growth opportunities, career growth, etc. because you’re afraid you can’t handle it when it gets tough. You can. Otherwise, stay the same. Your choice.
Trying to convince other people to love you. You are not for everyone, and not everyone is for you. Stop wasting time trying to convince the wrong people to love you and focus on those who already love you instead.
Acting like someone you aren’t because you think this person you’ve created is more lovable than who you actually are. There is no greater regret you will have in life than living it as someone you are not. You only get one shot at this. Come as you are, and watch your life unfold in spectacular ways.
The belief that 30 is too old to be who you want to be. It isn’t, it isn’t, it isn’t. You are just getting started. Stay curious, keep moving forward, and know that you’ll only get better with age.
