4 Birth Months Whose Hardest Decade Is Already Behind Them

There is a particular relief in realizing you would rather have your life now than be ten years younger. You remember how uncertain you felt, how much energy went into decisions you would make more easily today. For these four birth months, getting older can mean less time proving yourself, explaining yourself, or starting over—and more time enjoying the life you have.

February

February, imagine being asked about your life and giving the same answer regardless of who is asking. You talk about the person you love, the work you do, the things that interest you. You spend very little time adjusting the story to make it acceptable. If your earlier years involved becoming a slightly different person in every room, you know how much relief there is in that consistency. Even affection can feel lonely when you are unsure whether people would offer it to the person you actually are.

Now, you’re finding people you don’t have to edit yourself around. You can talk about what excites you without watching their faces for signs you should stop. Being known starts to feel easier than fitting in.

June

You have explained it clearly enough, June.

If you spent years rehearsing how to say you were hurt, you know how exhausting it is to manage someone else’s reaction before you’ve even spoken. You chose softer words and made your needs sound smaller. Now, you’re learning that being understood takes someone willing to listen, too.

The relief comes when you can speak before you’ve perfected the speech. You can be upset and still be worth listening to. Someone can care about what you mean while you are finding the words.

August

The compliment feels good, August. Then the conversation moves on, and you still have the rest of your evening to live. There can be something freeing about recognizing how briefly admiration can satisfy you. Perhaps you once organized whole years around earning it, certain that a particular achievement would finally settle how you felt about yourself.

Now you are more interested in what happens after the congratulations: whether you enjoy your work, whether you have energy for the people you love, whether you actually enjoy the life you’ve worked so hard to build. You can still want big things. You just want to enjoy them after everyone has finished congratulating you.

December

December, there was a time when staying anywhere could feel like admitting you had run out of possibilities. Another city, another relationship, another complete reinvention seemed to contain something your current life lacked. If those years were exhausting, part of the exhaustion may have come from having to become a beginner again whenever the excitement wore off.

These days, you might find yourself wanting another year in the same place. You know which neighbor will stop to talk. There is someone you want to see through a difficult season, and a friendship you want to keep for another ten years. Staying has begun to offer experiences that leaving never gave you time to reach. You are making plans that depend on being here.