Jakob Wandel

5 Concrete Signs You’re Chasing Someone Who Does Not Want To Be Caught

Here are five concrete signs you’re chasing someone who does not want to be caught.

1. They are inconsistent.

Their behavior is hot and cold. One day, they are all about you but then the next day it is as if you do not even exist. You never know what version of them you’re going to get.

2. Your relationship is one-sided.

Everything is about them and their needs, and it is up to you to put in all the effort and give them the things they want without receiving anything in return. You’re the one who texts first. You’re the one who remembers the details they told you. You’re the one who plans the dates. You’re the one who keeps the relationship afloat, if you’re being honest with yourself.

The truth of the matter is that someone who wants to be with you would reciprocate. They would nurture you and the relationship. They wouldn’t make you do all the work. They wouldn’t treat you like a convenience or someone to simply pass the time.

3. You’re constantly afraid they’re going to forget you.

When you text them, it’s not because you want to see them or have something you need to communicate per se. It’s because you have this sinking feeling in your chest that they will lose interest or forget about you if you don’t remind them that you exist. This is because they never truly make you feel valued or cared for. But, seriously, how could they? They are always four steps out the door by the time you even reach the handle.

4. You’re always trying to impress them.

You never feel good enough when it comes to them, so you are constantly trying to step up your game and show them that you are actually worth their time, energy, and affection. You always seem to fall short, though. They’re never impressed by your efforts. But still, you keep trying. You keep chasing. You keep showing up. You keep getting let down.

5. You constantly have to rationalize their distance.

They never need to make excuses because you provide them all. You tell yourself that work has been crazy busy for them lately or that they’re super stressed with personal issues so they can’t be fully present and show up for you. You list every single reason they could be distant instead of the most likely one: they aren’t as into this as you are.


Chasing someone who does not want to be caught will always be exhausting and it will never end in love. Respect yourself enough to walk away because you deserve better. You deserve someone who cares. You deserve someone who stays.