Even if you think you’re over your ex, they might be holding you back from finding the perfect person for you. Here are some signs that your last relationship is stopping you from loving again:
You’re obsessing over winning the breakup.
You shouldn’t be posting pictures with someone new in the hopes of making your ex jealous. You should be with this other person because they genuinely make you happy, not because they help you trick people into thinking you’re happy online. Even though you might still be upset about what your ex put you through, can’t make your whole life about getting revenge. You can’t worry about what they think when they scroll through your social media. You need to start worrying about you and what would genuinely make you happy moving forward.
You’re still carrying around baggage that this last person gave you.
Maybe your last relationship created intimacy issues or abandonment issues, and now you’re nervous in your new relationship because you don’t want history to repeat itself. But you have to remember that this new relationship is a clean slate. This person hasn’t hurt you yet. This person hasn’t done you wrong. So you don’t want to blame them for the bullshit you’ve been through in the past. It’s okay that you have baggage, but instead of letting it push you further apart from this new person, share your thoughts and fears with them so it will bring you closer together.
You still compare this relationship to the last one.
No matter what this other person does, you compare them to your ex. Maybe you’re thinking of how much better you had it with your old partner – or maybe you’re excited over how much better things are with your new partner. But you don’t want to keep making comparisons. You don’t want to judge this person based on what your last partner did or did not do for you. You should be holding out for someone you deserve, not someone only slightly better than your ex.
You’re still talking to your ex, hoping you’ll get back together.
If you remain close friends with your ex and still have strong feelings for your ex, then you’re never going to feel comfortable dating someone new. You’re going to want to stay single in case there’s a chance you could get back together. If you genuinely want to move on from this person, you need to make the active choice to move on. And that might mean cutting them out of your world for a while – or forever.
You feel unlovable.
Just because a relationship with your ex didn’t last doesn’t mean that your next relationship is going to end in the same way. Different people need different things in relationships. You might not have been right for your ex, but the next person you date might consider you the perfect match for them. They’ll see your worth from the start. They’ll recognize all you have to offer and will make sure to meet your expectations. Even though the last person wasn’t able to love you right doesn’t mean you’re unlovable. It just means you haven’t stumbled upon the right person yet.