5 Signs It’s Just Infatuation, Not Love

1. Focused on the Physical

If your connection is primarily based on physical attraction and the chemistry you feel, it might be more infatuation than love. Love goes deeper than the surface level and includes an emotional and mental connection, whereas infatuation often revolves around physical desire and attraction. Your brain will release plenty of chemicals as a reaction to someone you’re physically attracted to, which can cause you and your partner to feel as though you could be in love with each other. But your brain won’t react that same way to your partner your whole life; many relationships built on chemistry will experience a drop-off a few months down the line. This can cause the intense chemistry to fade, leaving you and your partner with no feelings for each other.

2. Intensity Without Stability

Infatuation often feels intense and passionate but lacks the stability and security that characterize love. You might experience extreme highs when things are going well and intense lows when they’re not. You might feel uncertain about where your relationship with your partner lies, and, although you feel that you’re deeply in love with your partner, you still might not trust them at all. This can cause intense feelings of jealousy and lead to toxic relationship dynamics or even codependency. When you’re in love, you can rely on your relationship as a stable, secure facet of your life; when you’re infatuated, you place a heavy weight on your relationship that it doesn’t yet have the foundation to support. 

3. Idealization Over Reality

If you find yourself overlooking your partner’s flaws to the point of idealizing them,  it’s likely infatuation. If you look at your partner and only see the potential they could have instead of the person they are, you’re probably just infatuated with them. Chemistry and physical attraction can make it easy for your brain to fill in the blanks, causing those rose-tinted glasses everyone is always talking about. But chemistry and fantasy do not a real relationship make. If you can’t appreciate your partner for the person they are right here, right now, you’re probably not really all that in love with them. 

4. Rush to Intensity:

Infatuation usually causes people to fall into intense feelings quickly. You might feel like you’re deeply in love right away without truly knowing the object of your infatuation. If you feel intense feelings right off the bat, find yourself obsessing over them more than usual, or feel an extreme version of the honeymoon period as soon as you meet the person you’re infatuated with, you’re probably not in love with them. Wait out these feelings and see if anything more develops in the future; it’s likely that your infatuation will fade quickly, and you’ll either be able to grow a real relationship or be left with no feelings at all. 

5. Dependency Instead of Partnership

Infatuation can lead to an unhealthy level of dependency, where your mood and happiness are entirely dependent on your partner and the state of your relationship. If you rely on your partner to keep your mood in check and always use your relationship to help you feel complete, you’re just infatuated with your partner. Your relationship shouldn’t be your sole personality trait or your main focus in life; your relationship should help make your life better, not overshadow your own independence. When you need your relationship to save your emotional wellbeing, it’s a true sign of infatuation. In contrast, love is about partnership and growing together while also maintaining your individuality and self-sufficiency.