Here are five uncomfortable truths about closure you don’t want (but need) to hear.
1. You will not always get the closure you want.
You will not always get answers from someone else as to why a relationship fell apart. Whether you were ghosted by a situationship or an ex-partner broke things off without much of an explanation at all, there will be times you will never end up getting the closure you want. On that note…
2. You cannot force someone to give you closure if they do not want to give it to you.
Even though you deserved a gentler goodbye, this doesn’t mean you can force someone to give you closure if they do not want to give it to you. Because if they wanted to explain themselves, they probably already would have. Begging and pleading for their reasons for breaking your heart will only prolong the hurt, get in the way of healing, and ultimately rob you of your own power.
3. Staying focused on getting closure can actually get in the way of the necessary work of healing.
As mentioned above, spending too much time seeking closure from someone else isn’t as productive as you may think. For starters, it keeps the wound open longer. As well, seeking closure can actually distract you from doing the inner work necessary to truly move forward. Real healing begins when you begin looking within.
4. You don’t actually need “closure” in order to start letting go.
Closure is often cited as one of the most necessary components for letting go of heartbreak. It’s widely believed that once someone else explains their departure to you, you can then finally begin the process of actually moving on from them. But this isn’t true. Because, as discussed in point 1, there will be times when someone won’t let you in on their thought process or emotional state. And in those cases, you have no choice but to start to let go without their input.
5. No one owes you closure but yourself.
It’s only up to you to accept the breakup, learn to live without the person who hurt you, and let go. Ultimately, no one else can do those things for you; only you can. Don’t let this scare you, though. Be brave enough to write your own endings and draw your own conclusions. Love yourself enough to understand that closure is a gift you give yourself.