This person is directing their effort elsewhere. You know they aren’t lazy because they can put in the work when the time is right. The problem is, they’re not putting in the work with you. They’re perfectly nice to their family members and bosses and friends, maybe even other potential love interests, but they don’t give you the same type of attention. They don’t go out of their way to make you happy. They treat you as a backup plan, not a priority.
This person never appreciates the effort you put into the relationship. They never stop to thank you for all the hard work you’re doing. You never get a thank you, let alone flowers and chocolates to show their appreciation. This person doesn’t seem to recognize how much you’re giving to them, and how lucky they are to have you. You’re not asking for much, but they still aren’t able to meet expectations. They never take the time to sit you down and tell you how much they appreciate everything you do for them.
This person never reciprocates the effort you put into the relationship. They take and take without bothering to give you anything in return. The relationship is completely one-sided because you’re the one putting in all the work. You’re the one doing the emotional labor, cleaning up messes, paying the bills, making sure everything is in order. You work your butt off to make them happy and they do the bare minimum for you. They get away with as little as humanly possible, so you’ll stick around, but they won’t do a single thing extra.
This person takes the effort you’re putting into the relationship for granted. They assume you’re always going to be there for them because you’ve never let them down before. They think your love is a given, so they don’t do anything to earn it. They don’t try to keep you happy. They assume you’re going to stick around, no matter what happens, so they don’t feel the need to be on their best behavior. They take your kindness for granted because they don’t think there will be any consequences.
This person uses your kindness against you. They know you have a huge heart, and they’ll use it to take advantage of you. Whenever you’ve had enough of their disrespect and want to put your foot down, they tug on your heartstrings. They make you feel guilty and convince you to give them another chance. They know they can rope you back into loving them, so they never treat you well until it’s too late and you’re getting ready to leave.
This person makes excuses to avoid loving you right. They always have some sort of excuse about why they weren’t able to be there for you – or why you should be there for them. They twist the narrative to whatever is most convenient for them. They don’t care about you. They care about what you can offer them.