They never celebrate your wins with you.
Your person shouldn’t be jealous when you cross another item off of your bucket list. They should be proud. They should be popping open champagne and telling you what a good job you’ve done. You don’t want a partner who keeps score, who feels like your wins are their losses, who treats every aspect of your lives like a competition. Your person is supposed to be in your corner. They’re supposed to be thrilled for you when your dreams come true.
They never comfort you over your losses.
When you fail, your partner shouldn’t be pointing fingers or saying I told you so. They shouldn’t get any satisfaction from your failure. They should be on your wide, letting you cry on their shoulder, and reminding you that everything is going to be okay. Your person is supposed to be an important part of your support system. If you’re too embarrassed to come to them with tears in your eyes – or if they don’t want to deal with the inconvenience of comforting you – then they’re not acting like a true teammate.
They never give you pep talks or encouragement.
Following your dreams is up to you – but you should surround yourself with people who are encouraging. Not discouraging. Your partner is supposed to believe in you more than you believe in yourself. They’re supposed to have your back when you’re struggling. They’re supposed to remind you that you have what it takes to succeed when your doubts get the best of you. Your person is supposed to be your rock. If they aren’t there to lean on, then something is seriously wrong.
They couldn’t care less about your day.
When you come home, excited to tell stories about your day, your partner shouldn’t be absentmindedly nodding along, staring at their phone, and pretending to care what you have to say. They should show genuine interest. Even if your passions are completely different than theirs, they should be excited that you’re excited. They shouldn’t make you feel awkward or ashamed about your good mood. They shouldn’t belittle your accomplishments or act like they wish you would shut up. They should listen to you. They should support you.
They always expect you to fight your battles alone.
It’s great if your partner respects your independence and gives you space. However, when you need their help, they shouldn’t abandon you. They shouldn’t expect you to handle your problems on your own. When you’re a couple, you’re a team. They should be by your side to help you when you’re struggling. They should be invested in your dreams because whatever makes you happy makes them happy.
They resent you for following your dreams.
Your partner shouldn’t force you to pick between your dreams and your relationship. It’s possible to have a thriving career and a healthy, stable relationship. If your person isn’t able to see how much your work means to you, and is frustrated that they aren’t getting every ounce of your attention every moment of the day, it might not be the right relationship for you. You need someone who encourages you to follow your dreams, not someone who intentionally holds you back from them.