Neither of you has changed since the breakup.
None of your issues have been resolved. If you got back together, you would still have the same exact fights that you had the first time around because nothing has changed. You haven’t given yourselves enough time to grow into new people. You would pick up right where you left off – and that isn’t a good pace. Which means it won’t be long until you break up again.
They crossed unforgivable boundaries.
Everyone makes mistakes. If your ex hurt you in small ways, maybe you can forgive them. Maybe you can look past their faults and focus on their strengths. But if they crossed an unforgivable line, you don’t owe them a second chance. You owe it to yourself to stay away, to refuse to settle for their toxic attempt at love.
You’ve started to move on – and are proud of yourself.
You don’t want to reopen old wounds. You don’t want to run back to your past when you’ve finally started building a better future for yourself. If it took you a long time to get over this person the first time around, it won’t be any easier the second. If you’re ready to see new people, then give strangers a shot. There’s nothing wrong with a fresh start.
They brought out the worst in you.
You want a partner who brings out the most beautiful sides of yourself, not the ugliest. If you’re bad for each other, it doesn’t matter how much chemistry you have. It doesn’t matter how much you love each other. Love isn’t the only ingredient to a healthy relationship. You need to support and encourage each other. You need to like who you are when you’re around each other.
You’ve been happier since you’ve been apart.
Even though running back to your ex is tempting, remember that you don’t need them to be happy. You’ve been surviving without them for a while now. Although it sucks to admit your relationship is over for good, you’ll have so many opportunities to find love with someone else. Someone who would never dream of leaving you.
Literally everyone in your life thinks it’s a bad idea.
You can’t live to please your family members and friends. You have to do what’s best for you. However, sometimes the people closest to us can see red flags we’re missing. If every single person in your life is against the idea of you getting back with your ex, consider whether they have a point. Listen to their reasoning. Then decide whether it holds any weight.
You’re picturing completely different futures.
Maybe you want to get married and they want to stay unattached. Maybe they want to settle down in the suburbs and you prefer the city. Maybe one of you wants kids and the other isn’t interested. If there’s a major difference in the way you see your futures unfolding, getting together will only cause more pain. You’re going to break up again eventually – or you’ll end up resenting them after they force you to change your dreams.