They never back you up in arguments.
Whether you get into a disagreement with someone at work, a stranger at the store, or one of their relatives, they take the other person’s side. They would rather have you angry at them, so they let you fight your battles alone. They never step in to emphasize the fact that you aren’t going to let other people treat you like shit. You’re on your own, whether you like it or not.
They keep score.
Your relationship is not supposed to be a competition. You’re supposed to be on the same team. They shouldn’t act like you’re a ball and chain, bringing them down, or like you’re a nag, getting in the way of their fun. You shouldn’t be fighting against each other. You should be fighting for the same things, side by side.
They have another number one.
Instead of running to you when they want to celebrate or rant, they run to someone else. They might not even tell you the news at all. Even though they’re always the first person you go to when you’re excited, they’re shutting you out. They aren’t relying on you like a partner should. It’s great that they have other people in their lives, but you shouldn’t be the last person to know the big news that goes on in their life.
They never encourage you with your passions or career.
Whenever you talk about work, they smile and nod, but they’re not paying close attention to what you’re saying. They’re not invested in the things you care about because it doesn’t involve them. Instead of being your cheerleader and reminding you that you can face any problem that comes your way, they wish that you would keep your work stuff to yourself.
They never volunteer to help you out.
When you’ve been extra stressed and don’t feel like doing one of your usual chores, they never get the hint and help you out – even when you’ve done the same for them plenty of times in the past. They do the bare minimum. Unless you ask them to do a favor for you, they aren’t going to take it upon themselves to be there for you. And sometimes, even when you do ask them, it doesn’t get done.
They expect more from you than they’re willing to give to you.
When they’re struggling, they expect you to be their rock. They know they can go to you with their problems and you’ll listen closely and let them cry on your shoulder. But they never bring you that same type of comfort. They never make you feel heard. They never return the favor, emotionally.
It’s like you’re living two separate lives.
Even though it’s healthy to give each other space, they’re giving you more space than you want. They aren’t involving you in their weekend plans or inviting you to hang out with their family. They do their own thing and let you do yours. Based on their actions, it seems like they’re happier without you.