Everyone will go through at least one major life-changing event in their lives, and for me (and about half of the rest of the world’s population, it seems), it was my desperate attempt to secure tickets to Taylor Swift’s Eras Tour. Did I get into the waiting room 30 minutes early? Absolutely. Did I still spend five hours sitting around while Ticketmaster paused the queue and delayed the presale for no reason other than their own mishandling of the event? You bet! But look, as awful as it was, it has fundamentally changed me as a person, and that’s what’s important here.
These are the eight life lessons I learned from being stuck in the Taylor Swift Ticketmaster queue for five hours (on a workday!):
1. You’re on your own, kid.
The Eras Tour presale really was an “everyone for themselves” moment. This was literally the Hunger Games of concert ticket sales. Not only were we competing against other fans but we were also battling dynamic pricing, an hours-long Ticketmaster outage, and our own crappy wifi connections. The odds were not in our favor!
2. God gives his greatest battles to his strongest soldiers.
Look, not everyone has the tenacity and the willpower to stay in line for five hours, but if anyone can do it, it’s a Swiftie. Most fans would have given up hours earlier—and honestly, we probably should have too, but whatever! We survived The Great War.
3. Patience is a virtue—all you had to do was stay (in line (for five hours)).
You might think sitting around in a virtual line for a few hours isn’t a big deal, but au contraire. When you’re terrified to do anything else on your computer (not to mention even leave it for a moment unattended) because you know there’s a chance something could happen that would get you kicked out of your place in line, suddenly you realize how difficult patience really is.
4. Time isn’t real until you’re checking your place in line every five seconds and then suddenly time is the ONLY thing that exists.
While sitting around waiting for the queue to get unpaused, I couldn’t help but wonder about all the things I could have been doing in all that time I was sitting around essentially doing nothing. I could have bleached and dyed my hair three different colors. I could have listened to All Too Well (10 Minute Version) 36 times. I could have fallen in and out of love with a complete stranger. I could have written several chapters of what could’ve later become the next great American novel, but I guess we’ll never know now.
5. We finally know the true definition of “unprecedented demand.”
“There has been historically unprecedented demand with millions showing up to buy tickets!” Ticketmaster cried, as if they weren’t the ones who sent the presale codes to said millions. This is a valuable vocabulary lesson for all!
6. Taylor was not lying to us: She is, in fact, the problem.
“It’s me, hi, I’m the problem, it’s me,” Taylor croons on her newest single Anti-Hero. Perhaps we should have taken that as a sign! Because while her industry besties Ed Sheeran and Jack Antonoff refused dynamic pricing for their concerts, Swift not only chose to keep it but has also been encouraging fans to buy different versions of the same merch just because certain ones have special features. Let’s all say it together, now: capitalist queen!
7. None of this would have been possible if we hadn’t spent our whole lives being inundated with capitalist propaganda that has convinced us this kind of situation is not only unavoidable but completely acceptable.
I don’t know, it’s almost like living in a society that values profits over absolutely everything else isn’t a good thing!
8. Celebrities are food, not friends.
Eat the rich!
Anyway, see you in July, bestie xx