Thought Catalog Agency

9 Red Flags They’re Not The Right Person For You

Sometimes it can be hard to see a relationship for what it really is. You don’t realize you’re wearing rose-colored glasses. You don’t realize you’re putting up with the bare minimum or being mistreated. Here are 9 red flags that someone is not the right person for you:

They don’t take your relationship seriously. They don’t put in the effort.

You’re receiving the bare minimum from your partner. They just don’t bother taking initiative.

You tell them you want to go on a date this weekend and they don’t bother being involved in the planning. You look for the restaurant and you book the reservation. They don’t get dressed up or try to make an effort to look nice for you. In fact, they never do something, out of sheer thoughtfulness or romance. They never do something because it reminded them of you. They never send you flowers. They never pick up your favorite candy bar at the grocery store. They never bring you coffee while in bed. They never do these little things that evidently, are a big thing. They just don’t care enough about the relationship to try.

They give excuses.

If they don’t have a real reason as to why they can’t hang out with you, or make excuses as to why they can’t more of an effort… big yikes.

My ex-boyfriend used to live in Manhattan while I was living in Brooklyn. I would take two subways to his apartment every weekend to hang out with him. After a whole year of doing this (I’m embarrassed to admit that), I finally asked him if he could come to Brooklyn instead. There was always some excuse as to why he couldn’t put in that effort and I, for whatever reason, just put up with it. Again, I am ashamed. Don’t be like me. Don’t put up with that.

They don’t open up emotionally or intimately.

Yes, it is hard for some people to open up emotionally. You should never have to force someone to talk about their feelings. However, if they care enough about you or the relationship, they will at least try. They will admit that they have a hard time communicating their feelings and that they will try their best. But if they have no interest in making an effort to talk about their feelings? Yeah, that’s no good.

They don’t talk about the future.

Realizing that your partner isn’t considering you in their future is a tough pill to swallow. Maybe they don’t introduce you to their friends and family. Or maybe they do, but there are still little things about the future that they aren’t considering, like future travels or moving in together.

They rarely make time for you.

This can circle back to the whole “making excuses” thing. If they have no real reason as to why they can’t hang out with you, or if they only put the effort into the relationship if physical intimacy is involved, that’s no good. That’s not what you want. You deserve better.

Their body language is different in public vs. in private.

Maybe PDA isn’t their thing, and that’s okay. But if they’re not even acting like they like you in public but are all gushy mushy in private? That’s a red flag.

They are keeping your relationship a secret.

Do they ever post you on Instagram? While, yes, you shouldn’t rely on Instagram and the couple photos people post to be an accurate representation of a relationship, it’s still weird if they never post you. Like, at all. Not even a soft launch. In a way, it’s like they’re hiding you or keeping your relationship a secret. That’s not what you deserve.

Your friends and family don’t like them.

No one knows you better than your friends and family. So if you bring someone home or you introduce your partner to your friends and they get a bad vibe from them? Yeah, that’s not good. Remember… even the most charming people can have some bad energy to them.

Overall, they’re just giving you mixed signals.

Remember — actions speak louder than words. Trust your gut.