Before You Accept Their Apology, Read This

Some of you might have gone through a breakup or a divorce, or maybe you’ve just experienced some other form of rejection in your life. No matter the reason, we can all relate when someone gives us a hard time or makes us feel like we aren’t good enough. It sucks, right? Especially when someone is supposed to be a friend, family member, acquaintance, teacher, coach, etc. This is because as much as we would like to believe that everyone is friendly and kind, the reality is that not everyone is. And when someone shows their true colors and treats you with disrespect, it can make you doubt yourself and your worth. Even though that person’s behavior might have felt like a temporary blip on the radar, you must remember that it reflects their core beliefs, and it’s not about you. If that person has time to be negative and critical, they probably don’t have time to reevaluate their own lives and change their perspectives. If they can’t see their own faults, you probably don’t want to give them any kind of power or attention.

In other words, you don’t need their apology. 

Have you ever apologized for something that wasn’t even your fault? 

Maybe you apologized for something that wasn’t your fault. Perhaps you were the one being criticized, but you still felt terrible about disappointing someone. If someone brings up a past mistake, they likely want to dump their toxic energy on you. If that person is in your life for any reason, then it may be time to consider removing them. The only way to do this is to stop giving them power and start taking control of your own happiness.

Don’t apologize for something that you didn’t actually do. 

For example, you might have said sorry for something even though you were completely innocent. Or you might have apologized for something that you didn’t actually do. This is called gaslighting. Either way, it can leave a bad taste in your mouth and make you feel frustrated because you start to believe you are in the wrong, even though they actually are. Here’s the thing: The person who wronged you could use the apology as a form of sympathy and then go back to treating you poorly. Or they could treat you nicely for a day or two before going back to their old ways. Either way, there will always be someone out there willing to treat you with respect and care about what is most important to you—even if it’s not them.

So what should I do?

If someone commits an offense and apologizes, then by all means, accept their apology and let them know how much it meant to you. But if someone has hurt you and continues to insult or belittle you without remorse or intention of changing, then there’s nothing else to say other than goodbye. You don’t need an apology from them to be happy because no one has the power over your happiness except for yourself.

Next time you feel the need to apologize for something you didn’t do, stop and think about what you’re apologizing for. Your apology isn’t going to make them happy, especially if you are dealing with a narcissist; they could be gaslighting you.