6 Birth Months Who Would Rather Be Respected Than Liked
It’s lovely to be the person everyone wants at dinner. It’s less lovely when staying that person requires laughing at something cruel, agreeing to something impossible, or letting someone else take credit for your work. For these six birth months, being liked loses some of its appeal when the price is pretending something doesn’t bother them.
January: You Want Your Word To Mean Something
January, you can feel the room warming to an answer you haven’t given yet. Everyone wants to hear that you can have it finished by Friday. Someone has already said, “You’re a lifesaver.” It would be so easy to enjoy the compliment and work out the details later.
But you’ve looked at the details. You say Tuesday, and the warmth drops a few degrees. Now you’re explaining how long the work will take while someone asks whether you’re sure you can’t squeeze it in. You could win them back with one optimistic sentence. You keep the date.
When Tuesday comes, you send what you promised. There may be no big thank-you, no delighted reply, just a brief acknowledgment before everyone moves on. You can live with that. The next time your name comes up, you want someone to be able to say, “If they told you Tuesday, you’ll have it Tuesday.”
February: You Won’t Laugh Just To Belong
The joke is getting a good response, February, right up until someone notices you aren’t laughing. It’s about a person who left early, and the impression has gone from affectionate to mean. You liked the evening better five minutes ago, too.
“Come on. You know we’re kidding.” You do know. You also know the person they’re imitating would hate hearing it. When you say so, someone rolls their eyes, and you have a sudden, embarrassing urge to soften it with a joke of your own. You let the awkwardness sit instead. Tomorrow, you might wonder whether everyone thought you were being dramatic. But when you see the friend they were imitating, you won’t be remembering how you joined in.
May: You Expect People To Ask
May, you find out your spare room has been offered to a visiting friend when someone asks where you keep the extra sheets. Apparently, being a generous host has become a standing reservation.
You like the visitor. Under different circumstances, you might have offered. That makes this conversation harder, because everyone keeps answering a question you haven’t asked. Yes, they’re easy to have around. Yes, it’s only two nights. You still want to know why nobody checked with you.
You tell them you can’t host that weekend and wait while they work out another arrangement. It’s uncomfortable, especially when someone says they assumed you wouldn’t mind. You would have liked being asked. A few weeks later, the visitor texts you directly about another date. This time, you check your calendar and say yes.
August: You’ll Put Your Name On The Mistake
There’s a very convenient misunderstanding available to you, August. The booking is wrong, everyone is irritated, and someone has started blaming the person who passed along the information. You could stay quiet. You have the confirmation open on your phone, though, and the date on it is the date you chose.
“That was me. I booked the wrong day.”
Nobody looks especially impressed. Someone sighs. You make the call to see what can be changed, without first explaining how busy you were when you booked it. You’d love to be remembered as the person who organized everything perfectly. Failing that, you want the person standing beside you to know you won’t let them take the blame just because they’re an easier target.
September: You Want Your Feedback To Be Useful
September, when a friend asks you to read something before they send it, you actually read it. You notice the paragraph that buries their best point and the sentence that sounds angrier than they intend. You also notice how hopefully they’re watching your face.
You tell them what’s working, then point to the sentence that might land badly. Their face falls a little. “Everyone else said it was good.” You turn the screen toward them. “I know what you mean here. I’m not sure they will.” Together, you find a way to say it that sounds more like them. When they send it, they aren’t worrying that they’ve started an argument they never meant to have.
November: You Can Keep A Secret Through An Awkward Silence
November, someone at the table mentions a friend who’s been distant. You know why. You also know the answer would make you, briefly, the most interesting person there.
A few guesses go around. Then somebody turns to you. “You two talk all the time. What’s going on?”
You say they’ll have to ask your friend. There are ways to make that answer more entertaining: a look, a hint, a carefully chosen “I probably shouldn’t.” You don’t give them those, either. The conversation moves on without rewarding your restraint, and you let it. Your friend told one person. As far as you’re concerned, that is still how many people they’ve told.