This Is What No One Tells You About Intimacy

It’s hard to talk about intimacy these days because we might not actually feel it every day. We are too scared of the concept of intimacy. Even in our daily life, we will be taken aback when someone shows some kind of intimacy toward us. Not the physical kind of intimacy, but the pure emotional kind of intimacy. When someone tells us they love us, we will push them away, not because we don’t love them but because deep down we believe we aren’t worthy of love. When someone goes an extra mile for us, we wonder when they will become disappointed in us because we believe there’s no way we deserve that much attention and love. The fact is, the intimacy you build all these years with people has formed and affects you beyond what you imagine. It affects how you speak, how you act, or even how you see yourself.

When you are born in a family with an unhealthy amount of arguments and violence, you will be scared to gain intimacy with someone or maintain a relationship with people because what you see every day at home isn’t something good. It’s a pretty big deal. It makes you think, What’s the point of being close to people when in the end we are just hurting each other? What’s the point of getting married when after several years it just breaks like that?

Or when you are in high school and your girlfriend or boyfriend at school dumped you in front of their friends and now you are the main topic of everyone’s conversation. You are traumatized by that incident and you put your walls high so people can’t come close to hurt you again. You are not that cheerful person they used to know you anymore. You become a closed book, a hard-to-read person who only sees themselves as an embarrassment for people.

Or when you are born in a harmonious family with the love you needed, but one day you met a guy who assaulted you on the street you used to walk home. That incident is pretty vivid in your mind and it just doesn’t go away. From that time, you can’t function normally. You can’t receive any physical contact from anyone because it’s gonna freak you out. You feel disgusted and unworthy. You choose not to be emotionally and physically available for everyone so you can save yourself. 

All those traumas and wounds, physical or mental, need to be healed in order for you to move forward with life and enjoy the healthy intimacy you deserve. It’s not easy, everyone knows. All of us are scared to get hurt, so we protect ourselves in the best way possible. But gaining intimacy with people acquires acceptance to open up. You could never break free if you are still afraid to get hurt and never try to accept yourself – your past, your fears, your traumatic incidents, your mind, your body, your heart. 

And the good part is you don’t need to open up to everybody. Humans are designed to open up and get close to those whose souls are aligned. When you are placed in the surroundings where you know you can never gain that pure kind of intimacy with people, don’t force yourself to. It’s okay to save yourself for those who your soul knows best. It might not always be romantic, but it can be the friendship kind of intimacy where you know you can share all of your secrets and freaky jokes with them. 

Let’s accept our fears and traumas slowly so intimacy is not something that we are scared of in people but something that intrigues us to connect deeper with people. That way, we don’t just settle for surface intimacy, which won’t last long. We won’t crave intimacy from the wrong person in the wrong place. We’ll know that we are worthy of love and for love.