6 Concrete Signs You’re Sabotaging Your Love Life (Without Even Realizing It)
Here are 6 signs you’re sabotaging your love life (without even realizing it).
1. You romanticize the bare minimum.
You’re so used to accepting less than that the bare minimum feels like a fairy tale.
They give you flowers on your birthday? That’s the bare minimum. They ask you how your day was and actually listen to you? Again, that’s the bare minimum.
You romanticize the bare minimum and convince yourself that things are fine and they don’t need to put in any more effort. You do this because, deep down, you fear that you’re asking for too much. But you’re not asking for too much. You’re not too much. The way they’re loving you just isn’t enough.
2. You never take time to be intentionally single.
If you’re someone who jumps from relationship to relationship, there’s a good chance you’re codependent on the idea of a relationship. You don’t know what it’s like to take care of your physical and emotional well-being and put your needs before anyone else’s. You don’t know what it’s like to be alone with yourself, to be intentionally single.
It’s true that you have to love yourself first and fully before you can love someone else. You can’t pour from an empty cup.
3. You sweep problems under the rug.
Not only is it crucial to have good communication with your partner about your feelings or any problems occurring in your relationship, but it’s also crucial to admit these to yourself, too.
Sometimes, when we’re in relationships, we neglect our personal feelings, needs, and desires. We sweep problems under the rug because we don’t want to create a fight and disrupt the peace. You can’t expect your feelings and your problems to go away just because you pretend they don’t exist. This is ultimately self-abandonment and unhealthy for both you and your partner.
4. You’re too concerned with the other person liking you that you don’t really consider if you even like them all that much.
There is a difference between love and attachment. Love is selfless, tender, and free, and attachment is dependent, selfish, and restrictive. When you’re attached to someone, you are concerned with whether or not they like you and you don’t even consider if you even like them. Maybe you romanticize them. Maybe you romanticize the idea of a relationship with them. Either way, this is an attachment.
5. You set unrealistic expectations.
No one is perfect. No relationship is perfect. Setting unrealistic standards and expecting perfection from both yourself and your partner is going to lead to disappointment and ultimately, sabotaging of the relationship.
6. You compare your relationship to others.
Every relationship is different and unique. You can’t compare your relationship to someone else’s because it will ultimately lead to disappointment, insecurity, and inadequacy. This insecurity can lead to jealousy, possessiveness, self-doubt, and shame.
Your partner is going to be different than your ex. They’re going to be different than your best friend’s partner, too. Comparison is deeply unhealthy and won’t get you anywhere. In fact, it will just hold you and your relationship back. Try to focus solely on your relationship and your dynamic.