6 Things I Wish I Knew Before Living Abroad

In September 2022, I embarked on a semester abroad from my hometown of Toronto to the glamorous city of London. Despite that I’d been planning to go on exchange for a while, I had no idea what to expect. All I heard about moving abroad from friends and family was how amazing it was—the friends, the parties, the vacations around Europe—so that’s what I anticipated. Of course I knew I would endure some challenges, but I definitely didn’t expect a rollercoaster filled with ups and downs and an experience of major self-discovery. 

Now that I’m a few months into living across the world, I’ve decided to look back on everything I’ve learned so far, in hopes that others can prepare themselves better than I did. So, without further ado, here is a non-exhaustive list of the things I wish someone told me before going abroad.

1. The entire concept of moving abroad is romanticized.

I know you’ve seen the TikToks—the ones that make living on your own in a new country seem like the start of a cutesy rom-com. I mean, that’s all I saw before I left, and it’s all I searched for, too, in efforts to make myself feel less nervous about choosing to move to London. Plus, I only heard positive comments about moving abroad from anyone I asked. So, I figured my experience would live up to the movies, the stories, and the TikToks; I couldn’t picture anything else.

Having these beliefs was such a hindrance, because I was genuinely surprised to find myself struggling with loneliness, culture shock, anxiety, and discomfort (more on those later). I didn’t consider that there are some challenges involved in the experience that nobody told me about—so I really wish I’d taken those romanticized stories and videos with a grain of salt.

2. Living abroad means spending a lot of time alone and learning to rely on yourself.

Arguably the largest challenge I’ve experienced since moving abroad is the unexpected rise in the amount of time I spend alone. For extreme introverts or experienced solo travelers, this may not be a big deal at all, but I found it hard to be on my own for such a large portion of the time. I’ve always taken such joy in gaining new experiences when surrounded by other people, but I never appreciated my own company until I was forced to spend time alone.

The fact about moving abroad is, as much as you do make friends, everyone has different plans and goals. It’s not as easy as you’d think to fill up your time with outings, travels, and activities with other people—especially if you’re friends with those from different countries and cultures than you, which means different wants and needs. So, a large part of moving away on your own is learning to rely on yourself for enjoyment. 

This is something I certainly realized the hard way, and it’s the number-one warning I give to people looking to move away on their own. I’ve since learned that there’s nothing wrong with being alone—but it would’ve been a lot easier if I’d mentally prepared for this before leaving.

3. Culture shock is about more than just language barriers.

Whenever my school or the Internet would discuss culture shock, I’d just laugh it off and refuse to take the warning seriously. Since I was moving to an English-speaking country, I figured the only form of culture shock I’d experience was the subtle confusion of which way to look when crossing the street. I had no idea culture shock is much deeper than that.

The way I see it now, culture shock is when all senses of familiarity are taken away. It’s about living with this strange feeling of unease, knowing you haven’t adapted to this new environment yet. Perhaps the common misconceptions about culture shock come from the inability to describe it—but the point is, don’t underestimate the heavy impact of culture shock, because it’s certainly more than just surface-level issues like language barriers.

4. Prepare to feel lots of discomfort—which is actually a good thing.

Although I certainly encountered culture shock, it didn’t quite explain the variety and depth of my emotional challenges. For the first month or so of my exchange, I was much more irritable, sad, and tense. Yes, I appreciated the new activities and experiences, but my negative emotions were also heightened, which was made clear whenever an inconvenience or issue would arise. One less-than-positive interaction with a new friend and I’d feel insecure; one plan gone wrong and I’d feel like I failed. And what’s worse, I didn’t even understand why I felt this way; I piled confusion on top of everything else, spending hours just wondering what was happening to me.

I later realized I’d just been distanced from all of my sources of comfort: primarily, my family, my home, and my friends. I didn’t have anything to reassure me, any places or people with whom I could take a sigh of relief and just be myself. As I started learning more about myself, the people around me, and my new home, this feeling faded. I began viewing my discomfort as a positive thing—a sign of my impending growth—because as time went on, I became stronger and more capable of navigating new environments.

5. Rid yourself of all expectations—there is no “rule book” for living abroad.

Since I’m nearing the end of college, I thought of these few months abroad as one last hurrah before becoming an adult. I pictured myself surrounded by new British friends, going out every night, barely working, and effortlessly hopping over to visit a new country every weekend. You might find that ridiculous, but hey, we already know the concept of moving abroad is romanticized; can you blame me for giving in? I had an image of exactly how I wanted this experience to go, and when it turned out differently—although not necessarily better or worse—I felt defeated.

It was almost halfway through the semester when my therapist advised me to throw away this set of rules I’d made for my semester abroad. For example, there’s no explicit rule stating that I need to make handfuls of new best friends, travel to a certain number of countries, or even be happy all the time. I know this may sound contradictory, since all I’ve been advising so far is mental preparation. But the point I’m trying to make here is just to lessen any pressure you’re putting on yourself to make the experience go a certain way. 

Now that I’ve lost this rigid mindset, I’ve realized how lucky I am to have had a challenging experience. Because the truth is, I’d rather have a smaller amount of new friends or crazy nights out and instead emerge a better person.

6. Be proud of yourself.

I had absolutely no intention of congratulating myself for studying abroad—I found this idea absolutely preposterous. Why should I be proud of myself for simply taking an opportunity I’m fortunate to have? Instead, I was the complete opposite: I felt extremely guilty and shameful for struggling in an experience I could’ve been enjoying. I vividly remember exclaiming to my loved ones over FaceTime, “The worst part is, I feel bad for feeling bad! What kind of brat gets the chance to move to London only to be sad?” 

This kind of thinking only hindered my ability to overcome my challenges and feel better. Thanks again to therapy, I got a much-needed reality check and changed my mindset: just because I’m having this exciting new experience doesn’t mean I need to be happy all the time—this goes back to removing my “rule book.” Instead, I can be grateful to overcome these struggles, which will end up giving me life skills I’ll use my whole life.

After lots of denial and guilt, I’m finally able to say this: I am proud of myself. In a mere three months, I’ve learned and grown in ways I never imagined. I’ve made it through unprecedented and unexpected barriers in my life, having become a truly happy and fulfilled person. I can now say with confidence that I’ve loved this experience, not only for the memories I’ve made, but also for the self-improvements that it’s allowed me to implement. For that, I’ll be forever grateful.