3 Potential Signs They Have An Anxious Attachment Style

In the 1950s, Dr. John Bowlby and Dr. Mary Ainsworth developed attachment theory in order to explain children’s relationships with their caregivers. Then in the 1980s, Dr. Cindy Hazan and Dr. Phillip Shaver used attachment theory to explore how attachment functions within adult relationships.

Dr. Hazan and Dr. Shaver identified four main attachment styles in adults: anxious, avoidant, disorganized, and secure. Knowing your own attachment style as well as those of others can be helpful in understanding each other better.

Here are three signs they have an anxious attachment style.

1. They need a lot of reassurance.

People who have an anxious attachment style may need constant reassurance from their partners. According to The Attachment Project, adults with an anxious attachment style will often seek reminders that they are loved, worthy, and good enough.

An anxious attachment style develops in childhood, typically as the result of an inconsistent caregiver. While the child’s needs were met sometimes, there were other occasions when the parent or caregiver would be unresponsive or unable to meet those needs, creating feelings of instability and insecurity in the child.

2. They struggle with low self-esteem.

When someone has an anxious attachment style, they usually struggle with self-esteem and knowing their own worth. And despite the fact they are usually very aware and receptive of their partner’s needs, a person with an anxious attachment style will feel insecure about their own needs.

3. They can act jealous.

Adults with an anxious attachment style can behave in jealous ways and may even distrust their partners and be suspicious of them. The Attachment Project explains that this jealousy is often rooted in an intense fear of abandonment. Essentially, they are on the lookout of signs of danger because they want nothing more than to feel safe. It’s a defense mechanism.

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An anxious attachment style can be tiring but there are ways to transition from anxious to secure over time. It will take work but it is worth it.