When The Days Feel Heavy After A Loss, I Want To Breathe Again

Lately, every day feels difficult. Like I’m just trying to get through the day. Like I’m just trying to be okay.

Keeping up with everyday tasks is exhausting. I want a break but I’m always afraid if I pause I’ll break. Because breaking is… a lot.

When I do give myself time, I cry. The crying is intense and it is completely draining. I do feel better after, but letting myself experience the emotion isn’t easy—it takes strength to let yourself go there.

I want my energy back. I feel spurts of myself come through, but then I feel like the world is moving without me again, like I can’t keep up with it all.

I always tell other people they’re stronger than they know. That it’s okay to slow down. That they deserve to be gentle with themselves. Why is it so hard to believe for ourselves what we believe for others?

I know healing takes time and it is not linear. I know it’s okay to not be okay for awhile. I know grief is a million broken pieces trying to find their way back to each other. I know losing someone you love is a loss nothing can fill the emptiness of. I know love heals.

While I know these things, the knowing doesn’t make the hurting hurt less.

On the difficult days, let them be difficult. There will be a tomorrow that is less difficult and there will be a tomorrow that isn’t difficult at all. Life will be okay again. You will feel like you again.