A List Of Things That Make Me Sad

Finishing a favorite television series

crying children

whimpering dogs

every single one of my unfinished poems

manuscript rejection letters 

dating apps

the fact that I’ve used dating apps

the fact that I STILL use dating apps

Friday nights that flash by

Sundays that do not stay long enough

beating around the bush

one note poems paired with shitty doodles

Rupi Kaur

the end of hoodie weather

any day that dares to venture over seventy-five degrees

the reality that I’ve never been kissed in the rain

jump scares in horror movies

New York City’s subway system

bars with high tables and high chairs

conversations that go over my head

Vodka or Jonnie Walker Black

when new tattoos begin to peel

being beer drunk

and breaking the seal

rolling a joint on a windy beach

when the joint goes out and the lighter won’t light

the way she never loved me fully in the way I’m sure she could have                                          

burying a love in a heart that still beats

drifting out of her orbit 

the fact that we only kissed each other three times over the course of one night

the third time not being the charm

smittenly, I still foolishly reminisce 

knowing I’d try again if only she would

the final flicker of a favored candle as it fades

doubting my future’s success 

feeling compressed

the black cloud that sometimes forms in my chest

persistently teetering on the precipice of waterworks 

the unrelenting urge to shout but being too considerate to

weeks of depressive bouts…

what makes me the saddest is that

I think if I were to write a

list of things that make me happy

it would be shorter than this list

but I plan on sticking around 

long enough to 

prove myself wrong.