When we look at two decisions and we logically think about which one would be better for us, do we think with our ego, or do we think with our true self?
I ponder this question often. Most recently, when I was making a morning routine for myself. For weeks, months, and years I tried to find a routine that worked with my schedule. Being a full-time retail manager takes up a lot of space, time, and energy, and if you don’t spend your energy carefully, it can take all you have. So many days and nights I wracked my brain trying to figure out how I could build a routine for myself that would allow me to feel good in the morning and taking time for me while also doing things I thought I should do. These things included: making the bed, working out, showering, going for a walk, sharing affirmations in the mirror, etc. Looking at other people’s routines, I thought I should be doing the things they were doing. They are obviously successful, and if I wanted to be successful, I had to be a carbon copy of them.
Just recently did I truly realize that in order to be my happiest, most successful self, I had to figure out what made me truly feel good and truly feel successful with my day. It took me so long to realize this because all my life I wanted to be someone else. I wanted to wake up in a different body and I so desperately wanted people to like me that I would do what it took to be praised in other people’s eyes. When you get down to the bottom of this “core” belief, it doesn’t hold standing in what truly matters to me. I don’t care about what other people do in the morning. I don’t care about what other people feel or say or don’t say or don’t feel about my morning routine. It is literally just that: MINE.
I can’t believe it took me 24 years to realize that I can ask myself the questions: What does Ashley want to do? What would make Ashley feel good? What would make Ashley feel successful? What would make Ashley praise Ashley? It is still hard for me to come up with answers to these questions because I don’t always know the answers. The best part, though, is that I get the opportunity to explore the many possible answers and outcomes. It is all about me and what I find worth it to do for myself.
Growing up in a society that wants to take this away from you is extremely spirit-draining. Society wants to take this away from you because it doesn’t want you to be successful. It doesn’t want you to be happy or feel worth your own damn while. It wants you to feel less than, like you need something or someone else to make you feel worthy. I’ve felt this way countless times and I’m sure millions of others have too. When you give in to this societal pressure, someone is making money off your misery. Does that make you feel worse? It makes me feel like complete shit.
So, the real question is, what’s in your morning routine, and how much of it makes YOU feel good? Does it feel good because you enjoy it, or does it feel good because someone else said it makes them feel good? This is not a negative thing to recognize in yourself because we all have done it and still do it. When we feel a “negative” emotion, we want to find someone who has been through something similar and do what they do to feel better. I still do it so often. It is more than okay to take notes from someone who does things similar to you and make changes to your routine accordingly. However, I do ask that you dig deep and ask yourself if you REALLY want to do that thing.
We are ALL worthy of how great it feels to do something that makes you feel like you.
This also goes so far beyond something as simple (or complex–it’s yours, after all) as a morning routine. This question can be applied to any and everything because it is all so vital to who you are and who you want to become. It helps you really dig into that core of yours and decide what it is you actually want to accomplish. On pen and paper (or laptop and Word), it seems so simple. It seems if you’re a decisive person, you’d have no problem asking yourself these questions. When you’ve been conditioned your whole life to want something you don’t have or be someone you will never be, it is so much harder to come up with answers to these questions. You’ve been trained to see success as one path, and that is only reinforced by those who do not know success any other way. It is an extremely hard thing to unlearn, but you are worthy of how good it feels to release those expectations and standards that aren’t really yours. You deserve to feel good and worthy and spend your time doing things that make you feel that way. Please take the time to figure it out for yourself. You will not regret it.
Shout out to my therapist for giving me the tools I needed to tattoo “I am worthy” as a complete sentence into my brain and start to wholeheartedly believe it.