Ask The Universe For The Right Person, Not The Perfect One

Sometimes when we find ourselves back on the dating market, or venturing into it for the first time, we have a skewed sense of what we “deserve.” I put it in quotation marks because it implies that we have earned some sort of merit in life that warrants the perfect partner. Don’t get me wrong, I was one of those women at one point in my life. There was a long list of attributes that I had to have in order to fall in love. 

There were the basic things like integrity, emotional intelligence, and work ethic. I also included more arbitrary things like height, net worth, and status, but beyond that, I fully expected someone who was perfect for me because I wasn’t going to settle. What exactly does it mean when one doesn’t settle, though? I know, I know. You’re strong and independent. You know your worth, and you’re never going to accept anything less. I said all these things too, and while it may be true to some extent, it teeters on toxic positivity. 

Let me explain. You’re a wonderful human being, capable of so many great things. Are you valuable? Yes. Are you worth it? Yes. Do you deserve the perfect partner? That’s where things get dicey. Humans will never be perfect, and that includes you. So, it’s important not to take the whole settling thing too far.  When you get caught up in that, you may find that you turn up disappointed time and time again.

What if that short guy makes you laugh so hard that your stomach hurts? What if that guy who makes less money than you is thoughtful beyond belief? What if that guy with whom you found no initial attraction actually gets you more than you could imagine? You won’t ever know unless you broaden your list. 

I’m not saying that you should lower standards on important things like values, honesty, and the like. Sure, there are things that are universally important. The trouble is when we get so wrapped-up in not settling that we overlook the right partner. Notice I said “right” and not “perfect.”

Think about it. You know you’re a wonderful lady with many attributes that men find attractive. You take this as a sign from the Universe that you’ve earned the right to a partner who meets your specifications without giving credence to the fact that you may not meet the criteria on their list. You may be vying for the attention of someone who has about a hundred different options, because let’s face it, you’re not the only one who has a list.

It’s important to take inventory of your faults and struggles when it comes to romantic relationships. It’s not only a reminder that you’re not perfect yourself, but it will also assist you in finding the right partner. At the end of the day, you need someone who can put up with you, and you can put up with them. That’s what it boils down to when two people become comfortable enough to be themselves. 

While sex and attraction are important parts of a relationship, they are only take up a small part. There are things like resilience, compromise, and being a soft place to fall. There are times when you’ll be weak, and vice versa. Ugliness will come out in one way the other, because we all have shadow aspects that we are trying to overcome. 

So, what am I saying? Make a new list. Take the word “settle” out of your vocabulary. Stop looking to someone else to be perfect without being perfect yourself. Instead of asking the Universe for the perfect person, ask for the right person. The person who gets you. The person who loves you at your worst. The person who has your back. Be open to what’s in store for you, and get excited!