The negative things they said about you were not true. Even though this person might be out of your life for good, you can’t wave a magic wand and forget all of the things they said to you, all of the ways they made you feel. But it’s entirely possible to heal. It’s entirely possible to learn to love yourself, even when this relationship made you hate yourself for so long. It’s going to take some time, but you will feel better about yourself again. Your confidence will grow. Your self-worth will skyrocket. You just have to remind yourself that none of those things this person said about you were true. You are lovable. You matter.
No one else needs to understand what you’ve gone through. Let them judge you. They have no idea what you’ve gone through, and you don’t have to explain it to them. You don’t have to air your trauma in order to make them accept your decision. If you want to share your experiences, then don’t hold back. You are allowed to reveal your story to the world. But if you want to keep it to yourself (or to a select group of close family and friends) then that’s okay too. You don’t owe anyone an explanation. This is your life. Not theirs. It doesn’t matter if they approve of what you’ve done. All that matters is that you know you made the right choice.
Relationships aren’t all going to feel like this. After leaving a toxic relationship, you might wonder if every relationship is bound to end this way. You might wonder whether the treatment you endured was more normal than most people want to admit. But it doesn’t matter how common it is. It is not healthy. It is not what you deserve. And even though it might be hard to imagine right now, there are people out there who will treat you better. People who will be respectful and kind, even when they’re annoyed or angry or inebriated. You will find love again, and it doesn’t have to feel like this.
It’s not your fault that someone treated you this way. You might feel guilty or foolish for letting someone hurt you this badly, but you should never blame yourself. You aren’t able to control a toxic person – or any person for that matter. It doesn’t matter how much you love them or how much of your time you give them or how hard you try to help them see the error of their ways. In the end, you have zero control over them. They will make their own decisions, and you need to make your own. You need to let them go. Say goodbye. And move on with your life without them anchoring you down.
You should be so damn proud of yourself. It doesn’t matter how long it took you to leave. It doesn’t matter if you feel like you’ve wasted a huge chunk of your time. Your emotions are valid, but please, be proud of yourself. Realize how brave you are. Realize what a fighter you are. Be excited about the fact that you made it here now.