If you have a pattern of choosing the wrong partners or getting attached too quickly to people who have not shown genuine effort, love, and care, then the problem is probably rooted in your childhood or how you were loved as a child. You either choose people who mirror exactly how your parents treated you or you choose people who are inconsistent with their love because you’re trying to numb the pain but you have not healed the parts of you that keep getting attached to those who don’t show up for you.
If you don’t heal your anxious attachment habits, you’ll find yourself attracting the wrong people because you’re seeking love for all the wrong reasons. You’re either craving attention or trying to prove to your parents that you can be loved and accepted elsewhere if you weren’t accepted at home as a child. You’re trying to prove to them that you’re worthy of love and attention if they’ve emotionally neglected you as a child because you still haven’t healed so you feel incomplete if you don’t have someone in your life.
If you don’t heal your abandonment wounds, you’ll find yourself attracting people who make you feel abandoned or unimportant because you’re looking for constant validation and reassurance from them instead of giving it to yourself. You will also make all their actions mean that you’re not good enough or not worthy of love, which just perpetuates the same fears you had as a child or how you felt growing up. It’s a vicious cycle that only you could break by taking the right measures to understand your abandonment issues so you can pick the right partner and a healthy relationship.
If you don’t heal your self-esteem issues, you’ll find yourself attracting people who make you feel like you’re not good enough or people who don’t make you feel seen, heard, or accepted because you still don’t believe that you deserve more. You still feel selfish when you ask for what you want. You believe that you have to accept breadcrumbs to be loved or appreciated.
If you fear being alone because it triggers your rejection wounds so you accept less than what you deserve then it’s time to go within and figure out the real reason behind these triggers or why you tend to over-give when you’re not getting what you want in return. It could be that you have been taught to deny your own needs and feelings so people can stay in your life. These are all trauma responses that need to be addressed before you get into another relationship and repeat the same mistakes.
If you’re not used to getting what you want and if you’re not used to being genuinely loved, then seeking that kind of love may feel odd at first, but it’s how you begin your healing journey. If you’re unconscious of how your childhood wounds are playing out in your relationships, you will keep repeating the same destructive or toxic patterns or making more wrong choices down the line.
Healing your core childhood wounds is not a luxury, it’s a necessity, because it provides the solution to letting go of toxic or unfulfilling relationships and helps you choose someone who can give you balance, honesty, friendship and love.