Lany-Jade Mondou

7 Concrete Signs You’re His Placeholder Girl

1. Lack of Deep Emotional Connection

If you’re faced with surface-level interactions in your relationship and he’s completely avoiding having deep conversations with you, it’s probably because you’re a placeholder. When a relationship is missing emotional intimacy and vulnerability, it’s a solid sign that he’s not really interested in the long-term, because these factors are crucial to building a long-lasting relationship. If he’s sticking to small talk, dismissing you when you seek him out for emotional support, and not giving you any information about himself that allows you to bond with him, he just doesn’t see you as a long-term partner.

2. He Avoids Discussing the Future

When he consistently dodges conversations about future plans or keeps his answers vague and non-committal, it’s a red flag. If you find that he’s reluctant to make future plans – even short-term ones – or avoids any questions about where your relationship is headed, it’s probably a sign that he doesn’t see you in his future. This doesn’t mean he needs to know exactly what he’s looking for 100% of the time, but if you’ve been together for a few months and he’s wishy-washy about what he wants, it’s probably because he doesn’t see you as a potential long-term partner.

3. You Feel Like an Afterthought

If you often feel like you’re not a priority and your relationship feels more like an afterthought, this is a concerning sign. Maybe he’s constantly ditching your plans to go see friends or family, never thinking about what you want to do when you go on dates, forgetting birthdays or anniversaries (or any other event that’s important to you), overstepping your boundaries, or putting you last on his to-do list every time. This means you’re just a placeholder for him – to put it bluntly, you’re there when he wants you to be. If he wanted a relationship with you, he would prioritize you; if you’re a placeholder, you’ll wind up feeling like he only calls when he needs something.

4. Limited Involvement in His Life

If you’ve never met his friends or family, never been posted on his social media, and don’t know much about his day-to-day life (his job, his school, his hobbies), chances are he’s not introducing you to these things because he doesn’t think you’ll be sticking around for much longer. It’s easy to say you’re in a relationship with someone, but actually introducing them to the important people in your life means commitment. If he doesn’t want that with you, he won’t bring you into his daily life at all. 

5. The Relationship Hasn’t Progressed

If you’ve been dating for a considerable amount of time but the relationship seems stagnant, it may be a sign you’re a placeholder. This is especially true if you feel that the relationship isn’t evolving emotionally or you’re stuck in the same patterns without any growth. Feeling like you’re stuck in a relationship that’s going nowhere isn’t a good sign; it takes both partners working together to create progress in a relationship, and if he’s holding back, it means he’s not interested in building a solid relationship with you.

6. They’re Hung Up On An Ex

This is one of the worst ways to find out you’re a placeholder girl, but if you’re seeing signs that he’s still not quite over his ex, you might just be a placeholder to him. If he’s constantly talking about his ex, if his friends are surprised you’re dating, if their breakup went sour and he’s not over it, or if he started dating you right after a bad breakup, you might just be a placeholder girl. This kind of behavior will never get better because he’ll continue to fantasize about his ex and put them on a pedestal throughout your relationship; he’s comparing you to a fantasy person who can do no wrong. If you’re seeing signs he’s still super attached to an ex, it’s time to leave.  

7. Your Gut Tells You Something Is Off

Trusting your gut is one of the best things you can do in a relationship. If you feel like it’s difficult to let your guard down around your partner, like something is just ‘wrong’ when you’re around them, or like part of your brain is reluctant to open up to them, you might be his placeholder girl. Your subconscious can pick up on tiny signals and behaviors that your conscious brain isn’t yet able to recognize. Trusting your gut when something just feels ‘off’ is the way to go; if your gut doesn’t like your partner, your brain won’t, either.