I don’t know what it is about us humans, but we can so freely hold each other, kiss each other, hug each other; but when it comes to verbally expressing ourselves, certain words are too scary to utter.
And they’re scary for a reason.
When expressing your emotions in the past is not met with the same energy or the same intention, it can cause you to shut down and build your walls sky high until that one person comes along who makes you comfortable being vulnerable. Even then, you’ll probably be reserved about some of your thoughts instead of telling them everything. It’s the ultimate defence mechanism.
My emotions get the better of me sometimes. I’ll admit it openly. If I’m not careful, they can consume me. I don’t shy away from this. I wholeheartedly embrace it. But I’d rather ride the wave of serotonin even if none of this lasts because that’s just the person I am. I’d rather drown in the short-lived adrenaline than the painful what ifs.
Yes, you occupy my mind. A lot. I think about us.. all the time. I’ll be doing my fair share of mundane tasks and think about you and wonder for a split second if you’re thinking of me too. Sometimes I’ll be relaxing and watching a movie, and the way a character speaks mirrors your facial expressions, and my phone lights up with a message from you.
I just wonder how many times we’ve thought of each other at the same time. I wonder how many times you’ve pictured my eyes, my lips, craved my touch as I do yours. It’s all a mystery in the best way. I wonder if you reminisce on the same memories I do. I wonder if you feel the electric shocks down your spine like I do. I wonder if you find yourself having to pull back from the intensity of your daydreams like me.
There are so many questions, so many curiosities unanswered. But one thing’s for sure: Our energy does not lie. And maybe that’s the closest thing I’ll get to closure—that you feel the way I feel about us.