Don’t Put Yourself Through Hell Just Because It’s Warm There

Beware empty promises, and men afraid 

To make any at all. Your life has no space for 

Cowards.

You held power over me for so long. Not anymore. 

I am worth so much more than you ever

Let me feel I was. I wish I had seen then

How sad it was, how lonely 

You must have been to put me through such pain

And like a coward you shrink away

Every time I need someone, needed someone to 

Care. You didn’t want to,

But you did. You said to yourself that I 

Was nothing, to you, to anyone. But you are wrong. I am 

Not nothing. I am

Everything. 

If only you had seen it then, so willingly laid out in front of you. If only 

You had thought to grasp on. But it is 

Too late. The storm is 

Coming. The tides will rise. You will have only your gods to answer to. 

Why?

Why did you let her go?

Will you still shrug off responsibility? Say you never had any claim to her?

The tide will take you anyway. She will whisper 

“You never will.”

Do you understand?

Do you see what you have lost?

She is gone. To a place you cannot ever chase her. Do not dare

Cross her path, for if you do, I am afraid, 

It is much too late.

Do you see me now?

Do you understand what you have done?

Do you think you’re better than me?

When you perceive what you think my life is, do you laugh?

Oh how the mighty fall, you may think. Directionless. Pathetic. Unlovable. 

I rest. Away from the heat I heal. New wounds, old wounds, older wounds still.

Outside, I am the same. Inside I am reborn.

Rest is needed to bloom. I am not ashamed. 

For when I do emerge, I will be ready. 

Ready to rise. 

The fire burns it all to ash so that the phoenix 

Can rise anew. 

I know better now, how men lie. 

What they feed you, to gain just enough 

Of your trust. Just enough 

For you to start to sacrifice 

Bits of your soul.

You barely notice because it keeps him happy

To see you so small. And then one day, too many bits have 

been taken

you are but a ghost of yourself. 

You don’t know who you are anymore.

Ruined cities, burned bridges.

Start from the beginning. 

Why did you treat me like that?

I trusted you, but you didn’t care. 

I gave you something sacred, you defiled it without a second thought. 

You gave me just enough to keep me around,

A secret in your back pocket, only to be revealed 

When all other options have been exhausted. Obediently I sat,

Eating your scraps, praying each night for more, jumped when you said so. Waiting,

For you to notice me. Once or twice I broke 

Away, but you reeled me back. Besides, what 

Other options did I have? Some attention from you was better than

No attention. Better than being alone,

Forgotten. No claim to anyone and no one to claim me. 

But you wouldn’t ever claim me, would you?

“I never promised you anything.” And I never asked. 

I know now what I deserve. One day,

Someone will be proud to stand by me. And you,

You, who hasn’t crossed my mind in months, even without 

Another to cling to. You, who could have had all my love, if only 

You had asked. But now, you,

Will be the one who sits back,

Hoping for a feast, but for you, I 

Don’t even have scraps. 

Don’t put yourself through hell

Just because it’s warm there.