Don’t Stay With The Wrong Person, Just Because You’re Comfortable

In 2023, you should make difficult choices. Do whatever makes the most sense for your happiness and personal fulfillment, even if that means leaving behind someone you love. Here are some tough reminders for anyone who is considering a breakup in the new year:

1. Familiarity is not synonymous with comfort, so stop telling yourself that you’re staying with this person because you’re comfortable with them. You are not comfortable. You are settled. You are used to the way things are, so you feel less pressure around this person. You trust that they aren’t going to judge you or abandon you out of the blue because they already know your worst habits, because you don’t have to put on an act around them and can be your real self, maybe even your worst self. But true comfort is feeling at home with another person, feeling in sync with their emotions, feeling excited by their mere presence in your world. True comfort is knowing you can lean on them when you’re falling apart and celebrate with them when the pieces are coming together. True comfort is loving every moment spent together, loud or silent, big or small.

2. You’re telling yourself you don’t know the answer because you don’t like the answer. You don’t want to deal with the fallout of what the answer means, with all the change it requires and the exertion it will take. It’s easier to keep pretending you aren’t sure which path is the best path, to act like you’re uncertain so you have an excuse to procrastinate, to remain in limbo. It’s not like you’re doing this consciously. No, you’re not trying to deceive yourself or anyone else. But your subconscious isn’t sure you can take the truth—and you’re happy living a pretty little lie. Happy to have a reason to hold onto your comfortable life, to avoid causing ripples that turn to riptides that flip your entire world upside down. You don’t need any more pros and cons lists. You don’t need to talk it through with friends. Deep down you have the answer. You just wish it were a different one.

3. You can’t keep putting off the inevitable. You need to rip off the bandage. Remember, procrastinating isn’t going to make the problem magically go away. It’s only going to prolong your pain. The longer you wait to make a move, the longer it will be until you’ve overcome the worst parts and made it to the best parts, the parts where you’ve healed. Waiting will only make you miserable for longer.

4. You weren’t foolish for missing the signs. You were hopeful. Hopeful that this relationship would work out in the end. Hopeful that you discovered your happily ever after. Hopeful that you were going to grow into the pieces that didn’t fit perfectly at first. Hopeful that the situation would improve if you tried hard enough, if you put in the work, if you wished on every star and candle. You were hopeful that the bad times were only a blip. Hopeful that things would change. Hopeful that you wouldn’t have to give up everything you’ve worked so hard to build and start over. Hopeful that this was it, this was your forever. While you might look back at the person you once were and deem them gullible or naive, you can learn something from them. You can use them to channel that hopefulness again. Because if you want to move forward as the strongest version of yourself, you need to have hope that you can rebuild. Hope that you can break down your walls and love again. Hope that you can leave yesterday behind you and uncover your potential. Hope that you’ll find your real forever, whether that’s with another person or with your truest self.