Even when you feel the most alone, you are not alone.
I know what it’s like to feel like no one in the world understands what you experience within. I know what it’s like to lay on the floor crying so hard no noise comes out. I know what it feels like to feel like you don’t belong anywhere and I know what it feels like to never feel at home anywhere. I know what it feels like to feel so much all at once that every part of you hurts and holding yourself in the fetal position is the only way you feel a little bit safer. I know what it feels like to just want it all to end. The voices get so loud and you just need silence. You get to a place where you are so exhausted from constantly not feeling okay that you just don’t want to be here anymore, not because you want to leave but because you crave peace. The lies we hear in our minds can become so strong that you start to believe the most horrible thoughts.
Listen, you don’t have to be okay. You are allowed to give up for the day and do nothing but focus on yourself. Please, don’t give up on yourself. Hold on to the truth that you won’t feel this way forever. Hold on to the truth that you will get to a place where you feel more okay than not okay most days. I know how uncomfortable it is to feel disconnected from your body for weeks and still not feel like yourself. It’s disorienting and terrifying.
It’s so important to find a safe space you can go to when you don’t feel okay. I go to my bathtub and close the curtain because I feel safe and slowly the intensity of the emotions subside. I sit with myself and examine everything going on in my mind. I don’t let judgement in and I ask for guidance to show me the way through it. In the past I would’ve let the darkness consume me completely, but now I know I am always stronger than it because I have shown myself several times that I can get through anything. In those dark moments we have to remember that we got through difficult moments before, we will get through this one too. Yes, you will get through. It will pass.