Whether you’re type A, type B, or type Z, everyone has personality traits that make them a little unique. Part of the joys of beauty and love is trying to understand your partner and the little things that make them tick for mutual success and growth when it comes to relationships. I would definitely consider myself to be an assertive person, and we need to shut down the stigma that an assertive female is a bad thing because it’s not—it’s inspiring. If you’ve ever been in a relationship with an Alpha Female or are currently interested in one, allow me to give you a little breakdown on some tidbits and advice on how to foster healthy progression in your relationship.
1. Mutual communication and openness are extremely important
An Alpha Woman will tell you exactly what she thinks, and most of the time she won’t sugarcoat it for your benefit either. She’s not going to lie to you to spare your feelings or hers, and in turn, she will respect you more for blunt honesty. We place value on honest communication because to us, it’s genuine and real. As a team, having strong communication skills will help her gain confidence in the relationship, and being receptive and responsive to her feedback without being defensive or manipulative will only push things forward in the right direction. Furthermore, assertive women do not take kindly to being lied to or misguided, as it is a tell-tale sign of disrespect to our character. Even small white lies will crack her security with you, as she prides herself on being straightforward. If you cannot communicate honestly, we will not be open to building trust and rapport with you. The first lie you get caught in tells us immediately that you as a partner are not worth our time and investment. Just don’t do it.
2. Respect her desire to be independent
Alpha females don’t ask anything from anyone and place high value on their ability to provide for themselves first and foremost. Trying to handhold someone assertive or treat them as less than is taken as offensive. Respect that she makes her own coin and runs her own life. Don’t try to micromanage or be the white knight, it’s a turn off. Feel free to make suggestions to her if needed, but don’t cross the line into condescending territory. She’s looking for someone her equal. So, on the flip side of that, she’s going to be watching you under a microscope to see how you run your life. If you’re responsible, if you have your shit together, if you have goals and ambitions. She wants to be with someone with just as much drive as she has. Continuously work on self-growth if you want a chance to be with her.
3. Expect her to challenge you
As mentioned in #2, an Alpha Female is going to be observing you with a magnifying glass. She’s analyzing you to see if you are worth her time. If, for example, she sees that you aren’t stable, or you don’t know how to manage your finances, or you job hop, all of these things she will note in the back of her head. Trust and believe. She will challenge you to be the best version of yourself. She will call you out on your bullshit and/or toxic traits, whether it’s something you want to hear or not. But believe it or not, if she does this, it’s actually a good sign. Because if she’s taking time out of her day to challenge you to succeed, that means she sees potential in you. If she didn’t, she would quietly exit stage right and move on with her life.
4. Slow and steady wins the race
To someone with an assertive and analytical mindset, we don’t jump into things headfirst. We take our time in getting to know you to see if your morals and values align correctly. Do not pressure an assertive person to move forward more quickly than she is ready for—it’ll only lead to a backfiring reaction on her end. Give her space and trust that her timing and level of comfortability is sacred to her. She guards herself with poise and dignity, and that’s something that doesn’t crack under pressure. Take your time, ask her questions, give her hypothetical scenarios, and ask for her opinion. Laying the groundwork while genuinely getting to know her is majorly impressive. As much as you might want to, DO NOT make your first few conversations X-rated. Once she paints you as a fuckboy, she will never see you as anything other than that, so beware.
5. Aretha Franklin said it best
Assertive women are really big on mutual respect. What she wants more than anything is a partner in her same caliber, someone she can solve problems with in a commonly satisfactory and collaborative manner. Whatever you do, do not patronize her or talk down to her. She knows her value, and the second you start getting comfortable with disrespecting her verbally or with your actions, she’s going to tuck tail and run. Does that mean she’s looking to be showered in compliments all of the time? No. In fact, it may even make her uncomfortable. However, showing respect for her opinions, accomplishments, and intelligence will allow her to feel as though she can let down the veil of that hard exterior, and with that vulnerability is an opportunity to show her that she doesn’t have to do it alone.