coffee date

16 Green Flags To Look For During The Talking Stage

  1. When they ask you out, they actually ask you out. They don’t just ask you to “hang out” sometime. Instead, they give you definitives. Date, time, and place. They ask for your preferences for what you’d like to do and then plan it all out. This shows they can take initiative.
  2. They speak highly of the people in their life. This includes family, friends, coworkers. This matters because it’s the same way they would be talking about you.
  3. They have ambition. They do the what’s required for their version of success. This isn’t to say they’re a workaholic or are totally defined by their career or material aspirations. It just means they understand the value of working hard.
  4. They have hobbies: They have interests outside of work, too. Maybe they really love working out or reading or creating art. Whatever it may be, they pursue it with passion. They may not even be “good” at their hobby. The point is that they do things for the enjoyment of them, not the ego.
  5. They’re polite. To you. To bartenders. To servers. To baristas.
  6. They talk about past relationships with kindness. This means they don’t call their exes crazy or talk in an overly negative way about former relationships. We’ve all had bad experiences, sure, but if they’re still slamming a past partner, they may not be fully healed yet.
  7. They treat you like the new acquaintance you are. They don’t act too familiar immediately. Instead, they take things more slowly so they can truly get to know who you are and see if you both are compatible enough to take things to the next level.
  8. They don’t just wait for their turn to speak. Instead, they listen to understand and give what you say sincere consideration. In short, they’re an active listener.
  9. They’re curious about you. They don’t just spew about everything they love. They want to know what you love, too. They ask about your favorite music and why that band resonates with you or what you do for your job and if you like it.
  10. They give you space. They don’t try and force connection. They get the importance of spending time apart. They don’t blow up your phone or text you constantly. They have their own life and understand you have your own life, too.
  11. They feel emotionally safe. Your internal alarm bells don’t go off when you’re with them. Intuition matters. Listen to it.
  12. When you’re out, they put their phone away. When they’re with you, they’re with you. Enough said.
  13. They don’t hate on your interests. For example, if you share you totally vibe with country music or romantic comedies, they don’t go on a tangent about how awful they find those things. They might say country music isn’t their favorite genre or that they’re more into action films, but they don’t make you feel bad for what you love (or have a superior attitude about the things they love).
  14. When you meet up, they clearly made an effort with their appearance. It shows they value what you think about them.
  15. They respect your boundaries. For example, if you met on a dating app and it’s the first time meeting in person, they don’t try and coerce you into meeting at their place when you ask to meet in public. (Side note: Always meet in public first!)
  16. They don’t rush you into a relationship or exclusivity. And finally, they don’t make you make a decision about them right away or want to lock it down immediately. This shows they are careful and intentional and that they’re looking for the real thing.