Heartbreak Is The Most Difficult Wound You’ll Ever Heal—But It’s Worth It

I spent so much of my life trying to convince people to love me. I always felt like I was on the sidelines, so close to being accepted but still remaining an outsider. Something has shifted in me, though. I have started a healing process that is nothing if not wildly messy, full of small wins and setbacks, heartbreaks and breakthroughs. Healing isn’t always a loud and proud celebration; it is also quiet and gentle, subtle and silent. It is a deeply personal journey, and I’ve learned that nobody will understand your story and the inner workings of your mind better than you. So many times, I have dismissed my own feelings and invalidated my experiences just to please others and make my best attempt at ‘fitting in’ and keeping the peace. I lost myself trying to be perfect, forcing myself to fit into a neat little box that was never meant to hold me. But now, I am healing. And this healing means that not everyone who has been in my life until now will continue to walk alongside me.

I know all too well how painful it is to watch as some of the humans you love deeply begin to fade into the background. Losing someone you love that is still walking this earth is an otherworldly ache that can seldom be articulated. It will truly draw every emotion out of you to continue forward without them beside you — take it from me. But you must remember this: you cannot force someone to love you, and you cannot love them into staying. You can build them a cozy and beautiful little home inside your chest, complete with love, security, compassion, and trust. You can work tirelessly to show them how much you care and how special they are to you, but all of these things will not make them stay if they are not ready. The comfort and warmth of that sweet little home inside your chest won’t be enough for the humans that are not meant for you. I know this from experience; I’ve had to tear down and rebuild the homes within the walls of my ribcage a time or two. It’s excruciating, and it never gets easier – you just grow stronger.

Healing means everything to me; making it a top priority in my life has been the best decision for me and ultimately the ones I love. I already see so much growth in myself, in the way that I confront difficult conversations to the relationships that I choose to nurture. I no longer beg others to let me in and love me, I have discovered a newfound self-respect and self-love that I will never put in a compromising position ever again. I also recognize that my healing process is in a constant state of evolution, and I think that’s beautiful. It gives the continuous opportunity to wake up each day and begin again, to choose healing over and over. As I mature and continue on this profound healing path I’m now walking, I know that I won’t carry every soul with me that’s been in my life thus far. In the past, I always held on too tight, grasping at any thread I could to tether myself to the person I loved that was slipping away. I view it so differently now, though I can still feel the proverbial burn marks on the insides of my palms from holding on for far too long. Through session-after-session with my incredible angel of a therapist, to deep inner work and confronting some really heavy shit in the middle of the night, all alone, when no one else is awake to hear me crying or aching out loud – I am putting in the manual labor.

I have been single for quite some time, and while I am lonely an awful lot, I’m realizing more and more that this will not be in vain. To be able to bring my healing self to a healthy, loving relationship is something that I dream about, something I know I will attain. I’ve been so busy putting my past demons to bed and keeping my eyes trained ahead instead of behind me, and it is the best decision I could have made for my mental health. I used to compromise my mental well-being in order to be liked, to be accepted, but I don’t do that anymore. I know now that humans can only meet you as deeply as they have met themselves. The truth of that is reflected in the depth of your connection and how healthy or toxic the relationship really is under the surface.

Healing your heart is the most difficult wound you will ever tend to. But as you stitch up each trauma, heartbreak, and loss, you will notice the scab and then ultimately the scar forming where that open wound used to live. You will be able to gently touch that scar, remembering what used to exist in that space—but it won’t hurt like it used to. You will remember the days when it was a gaping hole, spilling over with every lie, broken promise, and goodbye, but it won’t fill you with existential dread. You will be able to honor that wound and everything it taught you, and then you will continue on. You will look at yourself in the mirror with kind eyes and think, “Look at you healing and living and breathing without them. I am growing and stretching and evolving and blossoming. I am healing”.