Here’s Why You Should Always Google Your Date Before You Agree To Go Out With Them

Recently I found myself back in the dating scene after a ‘covid couple’ situation that lasted nearly three years. Like many others, we met just before lockdown, and when things started opening back up, so did my eyes to the fact that we weren’t right for each other.

After some processing time, I attempted to put myself “back out there” as everyone suggested, but I had clearly forgotten how hard it was to meet people organically. I am not in my 20s anymore, so I am over hitting the bars every night, which leaves me very few options to find the man of my dreams (unless, of course, he’s an independently wealthy, funny, educated, family oriented heartthrob who also happens to deliver for Grub Hub).

I decided to do what we all resort to doing in this position: I joined some dating apps. I went with the big three: Hinge, Bumble, and the OG Tinder (which makes sense now because tinder is what is used to start dumpster fires).

Now, I’m not sure if it was the world-wide pandemic, being quarantined, or just an overall general decline in the quality of the male species, but things seem to have gotten much worse for us ladies.

As it turns out, horror movies have their scenarios all wrong. There is in fact something scarier than being chased by a man with a machete, and it’s being a single woman on the dating apps.

In the past few months, I have gone on nearly 50 dates (esh!) with a wide array of men. Older, younger, blue collar, white collar, musicians, divorced, widowed, the kind of guy who looks like he can build you a house, and the kind of guy who pays someone to clean his.

You name it, I dated it.

It wasn’t until a serious of events led me to delete a guy’s number that I Googled him (trying to relocate his contact information) only to discover he was on the national sex offender registry.

This was the same man that opened car doors for me, always picked up the tab, walked on the right side of the curb (IYKYK), and was polite to waiters.

After I picked my jaw up off the floor, I made a vow to Google every single person BEFORE I agreed to meet them for a drink, no matter how perfect they may seem.

Honestly, most men do not have a problem providing their information for this, and several have willingly sent me links to their LinkedIn/social media accounts without my asking. I simply let them know “I have had a bad experience,” which usually requires no further questions or explanation.

If he has nothing to hide, there will be nothing to find.

For those of you thinking my cynical ass has really lost it after a plethora of jaded experiences, let me provide you with a few examples of things I discovered with a very simple Google search of my dates’ names:

There was the man who had a criminal record longer than a CVS receipt featuring not one, not two, but seven felonies.

After him was the one who told me he wasn’t ‘that’ political, only for me to happen upon some pictures of him storming the capital in a MAGA hat.

Next was the love bomber who I discovered was going through his fourth divorce.

Lastly, my personal favorite, the man I was falling deeply for whose baby registry popped right up revealing I wasn’t ‘the one,’ as he already had the one 8 months pregnant at home.

I like to think of myself as a professional dater at this point, and this is hands down the best advice I can give my fellow single sisters.

After all, you really don’t know who the hell is behind that smile, but at least Google can help you find out if he embezzled money from a children’s charity to pay for those teeth.