How A Horse Helped Me Find Myself

Tears glistened my parched eyes and throat. Each droplet was an invitation to soften my subtle tight jaw and release the gripping and tension in my neck and shoulders that I had been holding for months—to be vulnerable and express myself. 

What were the ingredients to this recipe of release and subtle sacred connection?

Was it the heart space of Paco, the beautiful regal horse grazing my curiosity? Was it the generous, open, and grounded heart of Syd, my newest Equus coach? Was it my open, willing, courageous heart in continued search for connection and liberation? Could it have been the stable earth beneath my feet, expansive land, vast sky above, and warm sun kissing my skin? 

It was all that and more.  

“If my voice could speak, what would it say?” Syd had asked. 

At the forefront of my chest and throat was a sadness that stemmed from a longing to be heard and seen. To feel a sense of connection, belonging. 

When our eyes met, I gazed into the soul of Paco, and I knew there was no hiding. I had two choices: I could fake it and stay reserved or speak sincerely from my heart. I chose the latter.

My words trembled with inhibition. At first glance, I shied away, a habit long ago created to protect my innocent spirit. I spoke even with trepidation because, for me, there is no other choice but to practice being my most authentic self. Paco and Syd set the conditions. Held in their warm embrace, it was safe to be me without repercussion. 

I’ve always felt connected to horses. They invite me to tune in to a part of myself that seems more ancient, mysterious, beautiful, and intuitive, as if I have resurrected a lost part of myself.

I believe it’s because horses embody true presence and authenticity. Unlike humans, horses hold no personal belief structures, thoughts of the past, or worries of the future, no self-doubt or judgment, just the pureness of presence. They meet you in a place of neutrality

When we are in connection with self and others, love and energy flows, and we feel a deep sense of presence, purpose, and meaning. There is a willingness and open opportunity to be heard and seen and to see another deeply. To learn and understand something about ourselves and the other.

Below the layers of fear, anger, resentment, close-mindedness, and confusion reside discomfort and sadness. Below that lies a longing to connect and belong. 

The more connected we feel, the better choices we make energetically, and our life ripens with gratitude and compassion, dissolving the illusion that separates us from ourselves, one another, all of Mother Earth.