So, there I was, signed up to various dating apps with what I thought was a reasonable profile and a nice line in banter, yet I was being asked on so few dates.
It was boring and time consuming, and it really started to affect my confidence. Friends told me to make the first move and ask the guy out, but I’d tried that and it didn’t work for me. I just don’t feel comfortable asking men out. I thrive when I’m being wooed. That’s what makes me feel happy, romantic, and relaxed. Going against my natural desire never worked for me.
I was at a stalemate. The men I liked weren’t asking me out, but making the first move just didn’t work for me.
What to do?
Then it dawned on me. I knew exactly how to get a man to approach me in a nightclub. If there was a man I liked, I’d flash him a big smile or a flirty look. He was doing the walking and the talking, but I’d given him that coded green light. I realized that all I had to do was find a way to give men a signal online that I wanted them to pursue me. Then, if they were interested, they’d do the rest.
After a bit of trial and error, I added this one sentence to my dating profile: “I feel so excited to be asked on some fun dates and meet some great men.”
And bingo. Suddenly, I was getting a lot more messages from men. A lot of them mentioned that they didn’t like messaging for months and just wanted to get out on dates and were happy to come across a woman that made them feel like they could ask her out. I noticed that suddenly, instead of being stuck in never-ending messaging, men were quickly suggesting that we go on a date.
Why did such a simple sentence make such a big difference?
It can be really hard to make the first move, especially when you have no idea what will happen. Most people have at some point spent a lot of time messaging someone who then didn’t want to meet up and are scared it could happen again.
This sentence acted like my green light signals in a nightclub.
Why? Because it makes a lot of things clear. It tells everyone that:
1. I want to go on lots of dates.
2. I want the guy to ask me.
3. I think dating is fun and it suggests that going a date with me will likely be fun.
4. I like and trust men — after all, I expect to meet some great men.
Looking back now, I can see why it worked so well for me, and I’ve noticed it makes a big difference whenever a woman I am advising about dating adds it to her dating profile.
This sentence alone made a massive difference, but if you are still stuck in the dating doldrums, I also discovered a message I could send to an individual man if I felt like he wanted to ask me out but was worried about taking that leap.
I would use this quite judiciously. So, if a man seemed super confident or only mildly interested in me, I would definitely not send them this individual green light to ask me out. The last thing I wanted was someone with only lukewarm interest asking me on a date because it was low risk. I learned the hard way that it’s only worth dating highly motivated men.
But there often seemed to be a really nice chap messaging me who was obviously not very confident with women, who seemed very interested in me but would get stuck for months messaging before they plucked up the courage to ask me out. Often they never did.
I realized that among these men there were some great men.
So, if after two weeks of great messages a certain kind of man still hadn’t asked me out, I’d say something like: “It would feel great to meet you sometime.”
It may not seem that different to directly asking a man out, but it really is. You are still leaving it in their hands as to whether they actually suggest a concrete date. You’re not asking anybody to do anything, just saying you’re open to them suggesting something.
That message never failed to get me asked on a date and they were good dates with great guys. Usually a guy would get back to me in minutes with a very enthusiastic plan to meet up and a great deal of excitement. The last person I sent this message to is my wonderful partner, Rich!
You may be very happy directly asking men on dates, but if you’re like me and it doesn’t work for you, I’d highly recommend trying these great ways of giving men that extra bit of courage to ask you on a date.