How To End A Situationship, According To A Dating Coach
Because of their ambiguous nature, it can be a little tricky to know how to end a situationship. Since a situationship was never an “official” relationship, it can feel awkward to feel like you want to have a breakup conversation and get closure from one.
This is where dating coach Ki-Jana comes in. Ki-Jana, who shares sage dating advice with her almost 71K followers on TikTok, helps her clients navigate everything from situationships to defined relationships to everything in between. Here, she shares with Collective World her top tips for ending a situationship.
What is a situationship?
First, a definition. “A situationship–not really a real word, but a perfect description of a relationship that is not really a real relationship,” says Ki-Jana. Essentially, situationships are undefined arrangements that look and feel like a relationship but without any official labels.
“A situationship is almost like a friend-with-benefits thing,” Ki-Jana continues. “But the difference is that one person is hoping, staying, and wanting a relationship, while the other party is just interested in the convenience of having a companion but never has the intention of committing to the responsibilities of a commitment.”
Are situationships ever healthy?
Ki-Jana believes that situationships are never beneficial to either party because of the lack of definition which makes clarity murky and expectations and boundaries impossible. “If two people want a casual relationship, that is just as wonderful as a serious relationship, but the problem seeps in when one person realizes their needs aren’t being met,” Ki-Jana says.
Often times when this is realized, the person who wants more believes they can get the other person to change their mind and want the same thing they do. “They subscribe to this idea that they can get the other to change their mind by a series of magical words or actions but in all actuality, they should just go find someone who wants what they want,” explains Ki-Jana.
According to Ki-Jana, you’ll know a situationship has become toxic for you the second you start feeling lonely with them and when you realize that your needs aren’t being met despite voicing them.
How to end a situationship
After telling your situationship that you want to end it, Ki-Jana recommends going no contact. “Cut them off, and have a mental funeral for them. Take them off your socials, and block their number. Remove yourself as far as you can from them,” encourages Ki-Jana.
The reason no contact works is that it gives you the time to process and the space to heal. “Distance and absence are what is going to begin the healing cycle. After that is done, begin pouring into yourself and treat yourself like you’re a delicate commodity. And start learning about your relationship patterns, and why you do what you do, and allow some of the stuff you do,” Ki-Jana says.
The hardest pill to swallow about situationships is that they only persist because we allow them to. “Situationships only exist because one of us refuses to walk away,” states Ki-Jana.
When it comes down to it, you need to remember your worth and that you deserve more than a situationship. Only then will you give yourself the chance to find the real thing.