How To Know If They’re Truly Your Soulmate (According To Psychology)
This might shock you, but “love at first sight” isn’t actually love. It’s lust.
It’s an overwhelming, intense desire and attraction for someone you don’t know. How can you love someone before you meet or know them? You can’t. That’s why it’s lust.
There’s a difference between love and lust and it’s important to know that. The last thing anyone wants is to be led on or heartbroken, thinking the relationship was one thing when it was really something else.
According to social psychologist Elaine Hatfield, there are two types of love: passionate and companionate. “Passionate love starts with intense emotions and sexual attraction. Companionate love is based more on mutual respect, caring, and affection, and trust.”
Let’s talk about the differences between love and lust and how you can tell which one you’re feeling and decipher if this person is truly your soulmate.
What Is Lust?
Lust is merely an intense, sexual attraction to someone. It is about desire, physical cravings, and excitement.
When you are in lust with someone, you are deeply sexually attracted to them. You, most likely, do not want to be in a relationship with them. You can’t picture a future together. Or, in some cases, you convince yourself you can see a future together only because you’re ignoring the red flags.
When you are in lust, you are solely focused on their appearance and have no interest in having deep conversations about your feelings, hopes, and dreams. Lust is selfish, merely fulfilling each other’s desires. This is why so many people have friends-with-benefits or no-strings-attached relationships. Lust is short-term. It’s about immediate gratification and pleasure, strictly physical. When you are in lust, you have no interest in developing a long-term, deep, emotional connection or commitment.
What Is Love?
Love is a bond. An attachment. It’s about being entwined together, body and soul. You’re compatible. You’re a special person to one another. There’s selflessness, compromise, patience, respect, and understanding of one another’s emotions.
According to psychologist Zick Rubin, romantic love is made up of 3 components: attachment, caring, and intimacy. It’s about wanting or needing to be with someone, caring about their happiness, and sharing personal thoughts and concerns with them.
When you are in love, you are not only attracted to their body, but also their heart, mind, personality, and the future you envision together. Love is long-term. Love is about commitment. It’s about physical and emotional intimacy that develops over time with patience, understanding, and happiness for one another.
Lust can develop into love. Lust and love can co-exist, too. You can be in a loving, healthy, romantic relationship and still have a deep lust for one another. However, it’s important to distinguish the difference between the two before it gets too deep and before anyone’s feelings get hurt.