How To Love Him Better, Based On His Attachment Style

Here’s a potentially tough pill to swallow: you can’t love someone the way you want to be loved. That’s just not how it works. You can only love someone in the way they want to be loved.

Loving someone better involves understanding their attachment style. There are four attachment styles: secure, anxious, dismissive-avoidant, and fearful-avoidant.

Here is how you can love him better, based on his attachment style:

Secure Attachment Style

People with a secure attachment style are comfortable with themselves and their partners. They feel safe enough to be emotionally intimate and vulnerable and know they are getting their needs met in the relationship.

If you want to love him better, continue to show them love and affection. Practice good communication skills, support their goals, understand their needs, and respect their boundaries.

Anxious Attachment Style

People who have an anxious attachment style are ones who need constant reassurance from their partners and also fear abandonment. They might be people-pleasers — they’ll do anything to make sure their partner is happy and stays with them. They can become overly attached and dependent on their partner and may struggle with jealousy and insecurity.

If you want to love him better, remind him that you still love and care about him. Be patient with him when he’s showing signs of insecurity or jealousy and reassure him of your commitment. Try not to get upset when they’re showing signs of anxiety — this might make things worse. Instead, listen to him and his needs. Be as understanding as you can be.

Dismissive-Avoidant Attachment Style

People who have a dismissive-avoidant attachment style often struggle with emotional intimacy. Being vulnerable is not their thing — they have a hard time opening up about their feelings. They might even downplay their relationship, too. Oh, we’re just talking. No, you’re dating.

To love him better, respect his desire for wanting space. He’s allowed to be independent. Be patient with him and avoid pressuring him into opening up. As long as they respect you and the relationship and aren’t romantically involved with other people, it’s okay to give him that space. But also, make sure you communicate with him about how you’re feeling and ask yourself if this is something worth continuing.

Fearful-Avoidant Attachment Style

People with a fearful-avoidant attachment style may struggle with emotional intimacy and vulnerability. It takes a lot for them to open up and even if they trust their partner, they still won’t necessarily feel comfortable opening up emotionally.

Much like a dismissive-avoidant attachment style, people with a fearful-avoidant attachment will struggle in relationships. If you want to love him better, just be patient. Be understanding. Avoid judgment or criticism and don’t force him to open up or be in a relationship with you. Provide him with safety and security so that eventually, over time, he might feel comfortable enough to settle down and talk about his feelings. Don’t force anything and walk away if this isn’t something you can do. It’s okay to love yourself better, too.