Who else is exhausted by the balanced repetition of almosts, maybes, and this time is different? Who else is exhausted by the exhaustion of putting yourself out there and making a connection, only to have the wire snipped, signaling that you need to start over—again. You’re not alone, and you’re surrounded by more people with a shared experience than you think.
I must sound like a broken record at this point, but I’m still getting the same sound played back to me in my late twenties. Most dates suck, but some are great. But it turns out the great dates are usually with people who don’t want to date you; go figure.
I’ve made so many changes over the years, yet I’m still getting the same result. This is where I’d typically present a solution or identify something else that I need to change, but oddly—and off-brand—enough, I don’t have a concrete answer; I don’t think there is one or that there needs to be.
If you’re drained, disappointed, and disheartened when it comes to searching for love, I think that’s okay. If these are the right feelings you’re naming, they’re positive feelings, even if they bring a negative experience.
I think love finds us at different times for no rhyme or reason, while other times it finds us more intentionally. Sometimes your relationship status can be a reflection of your behavior; other times, it doesn’t matter if you’re in the right headspace to welcome a new relationship, it simply may not be your time.
You can grow and evolve, soaring forward while still getting bombarded with distraction, heartbreak, and collateral damage that feels like a setback. But they’re not setbacks; they are just part of your evolution.
Practicing vulnerability can make you stronger, but there’s a catch: opening yourself up and letting your guard down gives people passage to hit you when you least expect it. It can make dating suck, so instead of allowing that feeling of suck to keep you stuck, choose to believe that all of these relationships aren’t working out now so that they don’t block what’s coming next. In other words, what hasn’t worked out hasn’t worked out for a reason; it hasn’t worked out so that something else has a chance to work out down the line.
Yes, it’s frustrating not knowing where that line starts and ends, so what’s most important is that you know what you deserve and stay loyal to that standard.
When you feel sad, it’s hard to stand; it’s even harder to push yourself forward. That’s why it’s so easy to feel sorry for yourself because you don’t have to do any work—you just have to fall back. So instead of feeling sorry for yourself, feel harder for yourself. Instead of falling back into the past and tearing yourself down, build yourself up and carry yourself forward.
Remember that rejection is an opportunity for redirection. The key to practicing radical acceptance is choosing people who choose you—and letting go of people who don’t.
If you feel rejected or unwanted, I want you to remind yourself that you are worthy of people who choose you. Let go of what leaves you and embrace what welcomes you. I know it might not feel like it today, but something better is coming. Until then, keep choosing yourself—and never stop.
Love yourself through the pain of rejection, the confusion of changed minds, and the whiplash or progression paired with regression. Love yourself so that you clear your path forward. You won’t want to miss what’s waiting for you up ahead.