We take a long time to get comfortable in new relationships. We aren’t going to open our hearts up and spill out our guts right away. We need some time to get to know you, to be sure that we can trust you. Even if we really like you, we are going to be cautious at the start of the relationship. We don’t want to get too attached, only to find out that you’re just another person who is playing games. We need a lot of time to build a bond.
We need reassurance that your feelings haven’t changed. It doesn’t matter if you’ve rambled on about your love for us yesterday – because we know that feelings can change on a dime. We know that love doesn’t always last. That’s why we need frequent reassurance that you feel the same way about us that you did at the start. We need to hear your feelings vocalized. We need to hear those three little words. Otherwise, we’re going to start to panic.
We won’t always bounce back after you break our trust. It doesn’t matter whether you’ve been perfect up until this point. It doesn’t matter if this was your first and only betrayal. Once is enough for us. Even if we love you, repairing trust with us won’t always work. Once you’ve proven that we can’t count on you, we are going to look at you in a completely different way. In the back of our minds, we’re always going to wonder whether you’re going to make the same mistake again. Even though we might be open to giving you a second chance, it’s going to take a lot of work to return to a good place.
We are more comfortable when we have all the information. We don’t do well with partners who dance around the truth and avoid answering questions. Even if we trust you, we can start to worry when we aren’t sure where you are, when you aren’t answering your texts, or when you’re vague about who you’re with. We don’t need to keep constant tabs on you – but we do need you to be upfront and honest with us. We need to have an idea of what you’re doing so we don’t start to worry what you’ve been hiding. The more information we have, the better.
We need you to be honest about your problems. We’re going to notice if there’s a change in your tone, your schedule, or your attitude – and if you pretend that everything is fine and refuse to tell us what’s wrong, it’s going to make the situation worse. If you’re honest about how you’re feeling, then we can solve the issue. But if you shut us out, we’re going to assume that something worse is wrong than it actually is. It’s going to create distance and confusion.
We don’t handle little white lies well. If we catch you in a lie, even a small one, we aren’t going to be happy. If you prove you can look us in the eyes and fool us, then we’re going to get suspicious about everything that comes out of your mouth moving forward. With us, honesty is the best policy. Even if it hurts, at least we know we can trust you.