I Am Still Learning to Love My Pandemic Body
It is without question that I have gained weight during quarantine. And I guess it was due to the reduction of my physical activity. So, my first instinct was to loathe in misery. I had this idea that my body was now a place of condemnation. How taking up more space equated to shame. Though the pandemic has brought great grief and misery, I found myself feeling foolish. The root of my despair still stemmed from my poor body image, when the changes surrounding my body inflicted so much unnecessary pain. Â
The pressure to look slimmer took a negative toll on me. Because measuring my worth based on a weighing scale felt so ridiculous, a stream of tears ran down my face. My heart then felt another moment of grief. How my soul uttered another prayer of forgiveness. And this became a reminder not to be ashamed of my body. For how can I disgrace the very home that kept me alive?Â
My body is not a montage of disgrace whenever it takes up more space. My body is a song of survival. How it is the vessel of my soul; the very house God made just for me. Without my body, I am nothing. So I remind myself that I need to love it. I thank it for surviving my most troubling times. How it is the only home my soul will ever know.Â
I will now no longer apologize for my body. Instead, I will celebrate it daily. Thank its unique beauty. How it is worthy of the same love and kindness I bestow upon others.Â
My journey to loving my body is a tough one. There are days when it feels like a chore. But I am not giving up. Regardless of how I look or feel, I will always be enough.