I Know What It Feels Like To Lose What You Never Wanted To Let Go Of

I know what it feels like

to bear your heart wide open to someone for so long

and to have them walk away after years of love

I know what it feels like

to feel hollowness in the place your heart used to beat for them

and to quiver with fear, not knowing if it’ll ever feel full again

I know what it feels like

to dream and plan and hope for a beautiful future

and to watch that future disappear, as if it was never really there

I know what it feels like

to reach for the person you loved so dearly

and to have them recoil and meet you with a coldness that could freeze your core

I know what it feels like

to wish for one more day, one more night, one more beginning

and to realize there are no ‘one mores’, and every memory is just that

I know what it feels like

to spin your wheels trying to understand how someone who claimed to love you so much could hurt you so badly

and to wonder if it was ever real

I know what it feels like

to be motionless with fear when you look toward a future you can’t see

and to tremble at the idea of taking a step, a step away from the life you knew

I know what it feels like

to notice the love draining slowly from your heart

and to desperately try to catch in in your hands to keep it

because you’re not sure you’ll ever feel it again

I know what it feels like

to take a deeper breath every day

and as the breath out becomes easier

it’s also followed by a sting of pain

because the air is filled with the truth of letting go