I Want An Adventurous Love

I don’t want to date anymore. I’m not built for it. Dating in this generation requires high self-esteem and low standards. I have the opposite: low self-esteem and high standards. I know what I deserve and I know what I want. But I don’t believe I am worth having it. I have so much love to give that it overwhelms men. So I struggle with “Am I asking for too much? Or am I just asking the wrong person?”

I want to date. I want to be courted and treated like a princess. I want to be looked at by someone who is so mesmerized by my smile and my laugh. I want someone to find my clumsiness adorable. I want someone who wants to share the details of their day with me. I want passion and spark. I want someone who is happy just to see me and can’t keep their hands off of me.

I’ve already “settled” for the bare minimum. I’ve already had that “safe” love. I’ve already explored and had fun and had that “friendly” love. I want an “adventurous” love. I want to enjoy things with someone. Go on adventures and make memories with someone. I want to feel alive and wanted. I want something that is worth my time and energy. I don’t care if it doesn’t last forever. Forever isn’t guaranteed.

But these days men just want sex and that’s it. I don’t want to withhold sex to capture a man. I don’t want to play the games that are required to capture a man’s attention. I don’t want to pretend to be who I’m not. I want to feel free to be me. I want to love and live and care and want with someone. I am a lot, I am too much, but that’s a good thing. My emotions run deep and that means that I care deeply and I love deeply. Someday I’ll meet someone who will appreciate that.

And until then, I will learn to love myself.