I don’t want you to tell me that I am perfect. When someone talks to me and keeps telling me how perfect I am and how I am just flawless, it freaks the shit out of me. I know that when someone says something like this, you’re supposed to really like it and enjoy being called “perfect,” but the complete opposite happens to me, actually. I keep thinking that maybe they don’t see my flaws or my flaws seem like a package that somehow makes me more perfect to them; whatever it is, the idea of someone telling me that I am perfect is just too unrealistic. It makes me wonder what will happen when they figure out that I am not so perfect after all. Will that love and admiration just stop? It puts pressure on me to always live up to and maintain this perfect picture they have of me.
I want someone who knows that I am not perfect and that I am awfully flawed yet love me anyway. I want someone who knows that and still chooses to stay and not mind these flaws. I don’t want to be perfect in their eyes; I want to be imperfect and still know that this is okay by them. This is what I need. Because when someone doesn’t acknowledge my flaws, it means that they didn’t really get to know me, or maybe they knew me but they’re lying to themselves and saying that I am this flawless person when I am not.
I don’t want to be the “perfect girl” in someone’s “perfect story,” I want a real story. I want someone who knows what they’re getting themselves into. I don’t want to spend a lifetime trying to be perfect or trying to live up to an imaginary picture that someone drew of me. I want reality with all its ugliness and flaws.
Telling me that I am spotless is not going to help me or reassure me; it just shows me that you’re not being real. What will give me a sense of safety is someone who actually knows all my parts, even the non-pretty ones, and still be okay with that. Someone who knows that each and every single one of us has some of these qualities that are not so great about us, but they’re still there for us anyway and they accept them anyhow.
I need someone who doesn’t deny my flaws, but someone who just decides to choose to love me despite them and accept me knowing them. Actually, that’s what makes a person feel safe—to be fully known with all their good and bad yet still be loved and accepted.