The irony of my epiphany is it’s timing. Mere minutes after doing fasted Cardio, I sat down with my thoughts. I typically feel inspired after a workout. And I’ll be honest, it doesn’t happen nearly as often as it should, but when it does, I find my catalyst for change.
Today, I was walking up the slight incline in my neighborhood. My attitude was changing from the girl with big goals who was ready to put in work to the girl who was tired, starving for food, starving for motivation, and struggling to keep up her speed. I was complaining to myself as a man on a bike passed by and said good morning to me. I looked around and saw others walking, running, and cycling. I unintentionally said something that would hit me really hard. As I looked at those who were up early, prioritizing their health and wellness, I told myself “Wake up with the winners, and you’ll never starve.”
As I sat on my couch catching my breath, my mind wandered back to that thought. At the time, I was struggling to find the motivation to keep walking my delightfully chunky behind up that tiny hill. I looked around and quickly found my motivation amongst those with a similar goal. Seeing them up, thriving and putting action at the front of their days. This was the shift in paradigm that I needed far more than I ever imagined. You see, waking up with the winners is about so much more.
I have a life full of long-term relationships with some awesome people. The changes I need to make take nothing away from those who have loved me. However, as I grow, I make more room for additions to my life. This is where I have decided to hang up years of poor decision making, misguided trust, and pure laziness. When I make room for new people in my life, their positions are being filled intentionally. I am by no means out to see what I can get, but I am looking for people who are wiser than I have been, smarter than I’ll ever be, and willing to teach me something I don’t know. The places I desire to go and the level at which I desire to elevate my life require me to look more honestly at myself.
I’ve been sleeping. I have been in a slumber. I have fallen in love with my potential, but not with the work it takes to get there. I am disappointed. Today I am choosing self-responsibility. I am exactly where I have worked to be, and I promised myself as I reflected truthfully that I would never allow myself to fall this far behind my own standards. I asked myself for things that I’m capable of giving myself. Therefore, I should have them.
I can blame it on genuine trauma, foundational issues, financial woes, setbacks, and anything else I ponder. However, today I realize that I have to hold myself accountable by any means necessary. The old me can’t live my new life. I have forever preached being Journey Happy. But somewhere along the way, I bought into the lie that I can’t have both happiness while I work towards my dreams and firm goals.
This is a recommitment to myself. I’m awake. I will no longer sleep with laziness, pity, or self-doubt. I will wake up with the winners and own my day. I will be inspired by those who have walked the path I wish to walk. I will feast on their wisdom and knowledge. I refuse to deprive myself of the woman I know I can be.
It was so much more than just a walk today. I found footsteps to follow in and keys to a more meaningful Journey.