In 2023, I’m Finished People Pleasing

The new year is a time to chase your goals and embrace your beauty — but that sounds so much simpler on paper than it is in reality. Here are some small, inspirational reminders that will empower you as you enter 2023:

1. You need to stop people-pleasing and ask yourself what you really want. Not what you should do. Not what’s the easiest. Not what’s the quickest. Not what’s the least painless. Not what works best on paper. Not what others expect from you. Not what others want from you. Not what would make you look the best on social media. Not what would cause the smallest waves. Not what would be the safest or the smartest. Ask yourself what you want when you strip everything else away, when you stop worrying about how you’ll look to outsiders or how hard you’ll make your life in the long run. Ask yourself what you would do if no one else was watching, if no one else was judging, if you were genuinely making decisions based on you and only you.

2. Stepping onto the diving board and shuffling to the end is scarier than the splash into the water itself. The moment before the leap is when you’re going to feel the most out of your depth, but once you get your momentum going, you’re going to be okay. You’re going to surprise yourself by how capable and resilient you are when the time comes. But before that can happen, you need a push, the courage to close your eyes and go. This will be the hardest part of the entire process. The rest won’t be easy, but it will be manageable. You just have to take the first step. You have to spring off the board.

3. The next time you’re worried about how much loss you’re experiencing, look to the ocean. No matter how damage is done to a starfish, they can regenerate. They’re able to grow an entirely new body from a single arm — and you can do the same. You can chop your world to pieces, deconstruct everything you thought you knew about yourself and cut out the people you thought would stick around forever, and still thrive. The missing pieces that you’ve shed will leave room for new pieces to grow. Remember, you aren’t going to feel the weight of your losses forever. You are going to grow into this new situation. Grow into your new self. You’re a starfish. Loss is only going to make room for new growth.

4. Studies have shown that we’re terrible at forecasting our emotional reactions. We’re constantly overestimating the amount of pain we’re going to feel under any given circumstance, jumping to the worst-case scenario instead of imagining what might happen if our plans went smoothly. This means no matter how badly you assume walking away from your current situation is going to go, it’s probably not going to be as bad as you’ve built up in your head. You’re going to do a better job at surviving the fallout than you think. That doesn’t mean it will be easy, but it will be endurable. Survivable. There’s a sizable chance you’re going through more pain right this instant, debating what move you should make and trying to figure out the right moment to make it, than you will when it’s all said and done and you’re in the eye of the hurricane. So stop sitting awake at night, staring at the ceiling and wondering what will happen if you do what you’ve been desperate to do — and do it already. Living it could be less painless than playing out the scenarios night after night after night.