It Hurt Losing You Because I Lost Myself Too

The pain I felt losing you hurt differently from what I felt when I lost other people in the past. I couldn’t understand why in the beginning, but I think I’ve figured it out.

Before meeting you, I was doing fine. I’d already spent four years single, building myself back up after getting out of a draining three-year relationship, enjoying all the time I had for myself until I started wishing I had someone to share life with again. And not long after that, I met you.

You came around and amplified my life in such a way that I could never have done alone. Suddenly, I wasn’t going on adventures on my own anymore. I finally had someone to sing in the car with, a pair of feet that could endure long walks at the beach, a hand to hold during movie night, and a mind that could challenge mine.

All I wanted to do, for the first time in a long time, was to leave the house and discover new things in this small town that I thought I already knew like the back of my hand. And, to my surprise, we did. Just like the way you helped me discover a new form of happiness when I believed that I was already the happiest I could ever be.

It was as if you shone a light so bright that all the darkest corners of my being disappeared. There was no more pain, longing, or regret. All I began to know was positivity, excitement, and a number of new possibilities. You helped me feel fulfilled, content with myself and the world around me. Something I’ve been trying so hard to do became possible because all I needed was somebody like you.

But as much as I wanted you to be here to experience this new perspective with me, to have a chance at growing together, you couldn’t because this wasn’t what you were looking for in the long run. You wanted something different, a life away from where we were at the moment. Meanwhile, I wanted to stay.

I saw you as an extension of myself and you brought along that part of me that I loved so much when you left. And, up until today, I still suffer that pain, I still feel lost, I still miss the half of me that was stripped away. All the joy I feel no longer has a purpose because you aren’t here to enjoy it with me anymore.

This pain is different from the rest in the sense that it wasn’t like breaking a bond with someone. It was more like cutting ties with a version of me that I truly felt comfortable being and it just so happens that I became that person because I had you.

And, if I’m being completely honest, every little thing just seemed more significant with you.

So I’m sure you’re doing great, strolling through life like you always have, like the traveler you truly are. But you should know that I’m still here trying to complete myself once again, which might just be highly unlikely because…

You, as it turns out, were my missing piece this entire time.