It’s not easy watching the person you love self-destruct. It’s not easy knowing there’s little left to do because they can’t hear you. They have to go through it on their own—it being whatever keeps you up at night and brings tears down your eyes.
They’re in so deep. You can’t pull them out, though you would jump into the depths of their darkness to save them. You would risk it all. And you have.
You tell yourself you’re stronger than them, that you can handle the journey they’re going through. You can manage the constant uncertainties of life and come out on the other side.
Maybe it’s selfish, but you don’t want to lose the person you once knew. Sometimes it takes hitting rock bottom to get back up.
I know it’s hard, but while you’re sacrificing yourself, the person you love thinks you’re the enemy. They make up stories saying you’re against them when you’re trying to save them the most.
Maybe you will, but not this way. Ultimately, they must save themselves. You can’t sacrifice yourself for maybe. You can’t put your life on hold for one day. Your days will be filled with worrying, wishing, stressing, and sickness. I don’t want that for you.
You’ve done everything you possibly can. You’ve given second chances, you’ve been understanding, you’ve laid yourself down beneath them, taken the blame, pleaded, and begged. There’s nothing you can do now but have faith and pray. They’re in God’s hands.
They say time heals, but sometimes the pain feels the same. You just get better at living with it. Even if you break into a thousand pieces, you’ll get back up.
You will get back up.
You’re scared that taking care of yourself means you’re giving up. It doesn’t. Taking care of yourself is not an indicator of loving others less. I want you to know that their choices do not reflect your worth. I want you to know that their choices don’t mean you’ve failed.
It’s not easy watching the person you love push you away when all you want is to be close. It’s not easy watching the person you love make promises you know they can’t keep.
I know you’re asking, “What if I’m giving up right as they’re about to breakthrough? What if I’m their last hope?”
And what if you are? You’ll destroy yourself in the process if you continually reach from a place of lack. You must take care of yourself along the way.
The care you have for the person you love is real, no matter what happens. Please remember that you can’t force others to live the life you want. You must go on living. You must go on loving.
Remember the tiny moments together, remember the good times, but don’t stay there. You have a life to live. Give yourself the peace that you need. Take care of yourself by wading through the gloom. One day they’ll recognize you were on their side. Until then, hold yourself with compassion. It’s not easy watching the person you love self-destruct, but please don’t destroy yourself along the way.